Seems like no time has gone by at all. Not crying hysterically everyday...just crying everyday, Still thinking about him everyday and wondering if he is doing okay where he is and if he is busy. I am not busy except in my mind and the daily chores that require attention...the dogs, snow shoveling, dentist, shift at work...stuff I was doing before he passed. Feels like floating around in the sea sometimes calmly and then getting slapped by a wave. I was told today that I have to move on!  Why did I put myself through going to his folks house to pick up a Christmas pointsetta? Mind you that the person telling me these things has no time to talk to me about how I feel but plenty of time to talk to someone else about the choices I am making in my grief. Which gives me more grief. Trying not to be hateful in return but it is hard as I feel alone, abandoned and tortured by mean heartedness of those that choose to offer no support or compassion. I answered...move on to what? There was no answer to that and I took some pleasure in the silence. I don't see anything to move on to. Maybe that will change. Of course something will change as that is what life is...is change. I feel like I have been scrubbed with sandpaper....coarse grade. If it were not for the dogs...I would not be here. I don't think I would be here. The dogs are the only real family I have left and I cannot betray their beauty and sweetness. Probably the only beauty and sweetness I still feel without him. He was also sweet and beautiful. My sweet boy. I really doubt that I will ever move on and I am not sure what that even means. Should I try to meet someone new, get rid of all his stuff, never mention his name again, sell the house and move away...what does move on mean?

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