My sister and i have been talking a lot about when we were younger and we both agree on one thing- it wasn't the greatest we've ever experienced. Partly because of our Father and brother. After Dad died I thought that I couldn't go on. I turned into a "Daddy's girl" and don't know when or why. Now my little sister and brother already were the babies and got spoiled rotten. Ask them and they won't admit to it at all. I feel the pain of losing my mom, dad and brother, all wrapped up into one.
I know that Ann reads this, so please don't get mad at me for what I am gonna write-- I love you sis but the truth is -- our family is pretty messed up. What do I mean? The things that you don't remember, you may not want to. You told me when I was there that I was wrong for some of the things I was saying. No, I wasn't. The reason that I didn't want to be the only one choosing what was to happen to our big brother- was because of all the pain that he had caused for me. He beat me to the point that Charles will be the only child I will ever be able to have and you have no idea what that has done to me. It hurts me to the point of no return. I wanted more than one child and because of him, I cannot. You always wondered why I didn't have anymore children. This would be why. It is something that I've lived with most of my life--ALONE. No one knew except me and my doctors. You, Dad and Mom-- no one believed me. You guys all thought that I was making it all up- you know, all in my head.
Now when I seen Bobby lying there-helpless- it broke my heart. I didn't feel sorry for him and I wasn't angry with him anymore. I don't know exactly what I was feeling but I know I didn't want to be alone on this one and I wasn't. You and Earl were there so that made it a little easier.
Now that some time has passed, you and I are remembering things that we had forgotten or blocked from our memory. My question for you is what do you remember? You would be very shocked by what I DO REMEMBER. I pray you don't but you may.
I love you little sis and I'm sorry if this really upsets you, but I have to be truthful. It's the healing part. To remember, acknowledge, accept and move on. Want to join my journey with me so I'm not alone? I've been dealing with all this for too many years--ALONE-- and would like for my little sister to help me and help you.

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Comment by ann estrada on July 29, 2009 at 8:01pm
its been four months know.i miss my brother very much.i miss my family back home.i want my sister to come home.bobby is missed very much.i know his family and friends miss him.i had the chanes to help him but he didnt want it.
Comment by Connie on June 4, 2009 at 11:21pm
What i could tell you, you wouldn't believe or may not want to.. There are some things just best in the past and if you don't remember, there is a reason why. I really don't want to re-live what has happened to us when we were younger. I have made amends with it now that Bobby is gone. It's dead and I would like to keep it that way.
Do you remember Mom, Uncle Bob and Betty Jean always talking about mom's family? The one's we don't know? there is a very good reason for that and i'm not sure you could handle it. I know that i'm just barely able to handle it myself so how do I expect you to???
You are better off just remembering what you have and leave the rest alone.
I love you and believe me, it's best this way.

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