What is normal?
Normal is having tears waiting behind every smile because my son is missing from all the important events in our family’s life.
Normal is trying to decide what to take to put on his grave that he would have loved.
Normal is feeling like you can’t sit another minute without getting up and screaming, because you just don’t like to sit through anything anymore.
Normal is not sleeping very well because a thousand what if’s & why didn’t I’s go through your head constantly.
Normal is thinking of the accident continuously through your mind, wondering if my son suffered or was in pain.
Normal is thinking of every happy event in his daughter’s life he will miss and I will see knowing he will not share it with her, breaks my heart.
Normal is talking of my child’s death and trying to keep from crying each time I say "died" because I still don’t believe it. And yet realizing it has
become a part of your “normal.”
Normal is thinking of first year without him coming up with the difficult task of how to honor my son memory and his birthday and how am I going to survive these days. And trying to find a way to get thru these occasion without him.
Normal is my heart warming and yet sinking at the sight of something special my son loved. Thinking how he would have loved it, but how he is not here to enjoy it.
Normal is having some people afraid to mention my son, “Siaosi”.
Normal is making sure that others remember him.
Normal is after the funeral is over everyone else goes on with their lives, but we continue to grieve our loss forever.
Normal is weeks, and months after the initial shock, the grieving gets worse, not better.
Normal is not listening to people compare anything in their life to this loss, unless they too have lost a child. Nothing compares.
NOTHING.
Even if your child is alive and away in the remotest part of the earth away from you - it doesn’t compare.
Losing a parent is horrible, but having to bury your own child is unnatural.
Normal is taking pills, and trying not to cry all day, because you know your mental health depends on it.
Normal is realizing you do cry every day and night just so you won’t cry when your at work or doing every day tasks.
Normal is being impatient with everything and everyone, but someone stricken with grief over the loss of their child.
Normal is sitting at the computer crying, sharing how I feel with Friends hoping they will understand how I feel everyday without my son
Normal is listening to people make excuses why they did not come and see me or how they could not make it at the time of the funeral and me thinking "it doesn’t matter anymore".
I know my son is in “a better place,” but hearing people trying to think up reasons as to why it was my son that was taken from this earth, makes absolutely no sense to this grieving mother.
Normal is being too tired to care if you paid the bills, cleaned the house, did the laundry or if there is any food.
Normal is wondering this time whether I’m going to say I have four children or three children, because explaining that my son has died to someone is the hardest thing for me to say.
Normal is asking god why he took your child’s life instead of mine and asking if there even is a God.
Normal is knowing in your heart you will never get over this loss of my child, not in a day nor a million years.
Normal is having therapists agree with you that you will never “really” get over the pain and that there is nothing they can do to help you because they know if you say "only bringing back my son back from the dead could possibly make me better.” But saying this will make you look insane.
Normal is learning to lie to everyone you run in to and telling them you are fine and ok when they ask “How are you” or say “you look good”. You lie because it makes others uncomfortable if you start crying. You’ve learned it’s easier to lie to them then to tell them the truth that you still feel empty and it’s probably never going to get any better — ever.
And last of all…
Normal is hiding all the things that have become “normal” for you to
feel, so that everyone around you will think that you are “normal.”

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