my husband suffered 3 years with bone cancer,last 6 months confined home with hospice,i watched him in agony and could not helpwe knew he was dying and could not do anything,he passed dec 20 2007 and was buried christmas eve and not by choice,I was told his skin was already changing and if he was buried later after xmas eve it would be closed casket which i did not want and as hard as that was hardly anyone came remarking how could i be so cold as to have my husband buried on dec 24 this has made me feel so guilty it is consuming me alive and my heart just wants to rest with my husband of 48 years and this aug 18 we would have been married 50 years and how i dreamed of renewing our vows and now all I think of is going to his graveside and ending my life to be with him,to take this hurt away which was put on me NO I DID NOT WANT TO BURY HIM ON THAT DAY BUT WHY PUNISH ME MORE BY BRINGING IT UP ALL THE TIME,I PURCHASED A BLACK RING I CALL MY MOURNING RING AND PLACED IT ON MY FINGER NEXT TO MY WEDDING RING FOR ALWAYS ,THIS IS FOREVER I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE I AM SO ALONE,MY GROWN CHILDREN GET UPSET WHEN I SPEAK LIKE THIS BUT WHAT IS LEFT AFTER YOUR SOULMATE DIES NOTHING,NOTHING AT ALL CAN WASH AWAY THE TEARS LESSEN THE PAIN IN THE HEART AND EMOTIONALLY END THE HORRIFIC WORDS SPOKEN BY SO MANY,BURYING HIM ON A JOYOUS DAY HOW COULD YOU,THOSE WORDS ARE CONSTANTLY ON MY MIND DAY AND NIGHT IF I GET 4 HOURS A NIGHT I AM LUCKY ,GOD BLESS YOU WHO HAVE READ AND I PRAY YOUR SORROW IS NOT AS DEEP AND CONSUMING AS MINE