Well my little brother passed away on 03-07-09 at the age of 15 from cancer. I called him on Thursday an asked how he was doing he told me he was getting ready for a doctors appointment i said ok call when you get home he said okay. A few hours later my mom called an was crying an said that he was in the hospital an in a comma an needed to come home fast. My husbands parents paid for my plane ticket an i got there Friday spent 5 hrs with him an then went to my sisters. got up Saturday morning an left for the hospital. They said we couldn't see him cause they needed to change him so my sister, her dad, an i went an smoked a cigarette. As my sister an i came back into the hospital we heard over the loud speaker that everyone need to come back to his room ASAP we ran got her dad an went up. My grandmother had stopped me outside the room an said "He is done breathing". I hit the floor crying... My grandmother ask me to go in an i did. The nurse said his heart is still beating so my mother crawled in bed with him an held him for his last heart beats.. i kissed him an told him i loved him an the whole time i felt someones hand on my back but no one was buy me. I believe he was telling me it was okay.. Well every time i wanna cry about it i just stop an suck it up... I have 3 very little kids 4, 2, 10months. My 4yr old knows what happen an knows we can not see him for a while. She will climb on my lap an cry an say she misses him.. An still i suck it up an say its okay i know. I'm only 21 an the last time i lost someone really close to me was when i was 4yrs old. i guess i don't know how to grieve.. some one please help me?