to all who wish to understand, i dont expect you to, nor do i want you to. this is my pain and in some strange way i enjoy that i have it all to myself. I lost my daughter when i was 7 monthes pregnant, june 10th 2009. I lost my husband in a motorcycle accident on july 12th 2009. i know your thinking wow thats only a month apart i couldnt imagine. please for your own sake dont even try. its been hard. im only 22 and its not supposed to be this way. we had our whole life planned out and after the loss of our daughter we were shattered. my husband was my rock, he was the only thing i felt i had left of her, a month later he was gone. life is strange and i will never be the same. if you ever meet me i am probably one of the strongest people you will ever meet. i miss my old life but in some strange way i feel as if i was born again and i have a purpose. if i inspire just one person than i feel that i have done my job. nobody ever said life was fair. i am so thankfull of all my friends and family that are surrounding me. i am thankfull for the laughter that somehow i can muster. and i am thankfull for all the life that surrounds me. death is hard but you just have to face it.

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Comment by Tami on October 12, 2012 at 7:48am
Hi Deidre, I was going way back to when I started this site, I read your story and I am so sorry, I am also wondering how you are doing now, I lost my fiancé in a motorcycle accident and then lost my son the same way...not comparing, just want you to know that I've been there, I'm hoping that you are doing well.

Tami
Comment by Fred Dunn on July 5, 2010 at 8:37pm
Deidre,
I know this problably of little comfort but after being my wife's caregiver for several years (Autoimmune disorders) and waking up to her dead in our home I still haven't gotten over it, as most other on this forum.
I can't even begin to imagine what you went through but it sounds like you are beginning to heal. Which is unusual given the circumstances of your ordeal.

I take it day by day (I am on FMLA now and my wife of 32 years, my soulmate passed on Mat 31st 2007. I am a recluse now and you sound like you have moved a lot further than I. The only thing that keeps me going (and I was not as spiritual before as after her passing) is that "We are all in God's hand and a part of his plans". Meaning that the creator has plans for you that include the experiences that you have gone through.

8 months after my wife passed away my mother passed away as well and the hell of it was she had very bad bleeding in the brain that put her in a nursing home before my wife passed. Rose (my wife) was not fit to drive but did it anyway (while I was at work) to see her and she was broken up about that and that people were honking at her and giving her the finger because she had to drive slower (even though she had handicap plates).

My wife was my soulmate but my mother was my "rock of gibralter" as my father passed away when I was 7 so she was both mother and father to 6 kids. I killed me that I couldn't talk to my mother about Rose passing away as she had been through it and was a very strong woman.

I can't say that I know what it feels like to lose a baby but rest assured that your baby is an "innocent" and had a one way ticket to heaven.

I acted strong after my wife passed even though I couldn't hold back the tears even thinking about it much less having to talk about it. Well that is all coming back to haunt me now as my extreme grief was just postponed and now I am having to deal with it and although I have support all the way to the VPs. President, and Regants (I work for a University) I still feel somedays like just ending it all. My Son & Daughter-in-law and grand kids have keprt me here so far.

You have been through a lot of tragedy in such a short time at such a young age. My hope is that you will make it through it and maybe meet someone special and you life will turn around for the better.

God bless,
Fred Dunn
Comment by Paul Bennett on December 27, 2009 at 9:13pm
Deidre:

I see it's been some time since you posted your story, and I hope that in the weeks since then you have seen your world take on some shape, emerging from that swirl of grief in the first days and weeks. I was impressed that you see so clearly that you are grieving, in part, for the future you had planned with your husband. I wrote some thoughts about that on my website recently, and you might take a look: www.lovinggrief.com

It's also impressive that you are expressing your grief as an impulse to help others; that shows not only your generosity but also your understanding that your grief gives you the ability to give something you could not have given before. I dont think I was so wise at your age.

This is a strange new world we enter when we lose the person we have built our life with -- you are right, you have been born again in many ways. Death makes one truth clear to us: we do not know what the future will be, and real wisdom is the ability to move through life in that condition of not knowing.

All my best,

Paul Bennett
Comment by Maria on September 24, 2009 at 12:29pm
My Dear Diedre, I am so sorry for your devastating losses. You are so young to have to experience such pain. Our stories are so similar. Three years ago my step-daughter (age 23 at the time) had premature triplets at 23 weeks. Two of the babies died. It was horrible, but we got through it mostly b/c of my husband. He was a rock for all of us. This summer I lost my husband due to a motorcycle accident too. I am 50 and married my husband 12 years ago. He was the love of my life. If I hear one more person say the pain will get easier or that I will meet someone new or that it "happened for a reason", I am going to scream. I just want to say that I am so sorry for your broken heart and I am walking in pain with you. I don't have any answers for you, just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Hugs ((O))
Comment by Colleen Dore on September 22, 2009 at 11:36pm
That is more pain then any Mother/Wife, should have to go through. There is no explanation on why things happen like they do. My son Robby died July 29,2009, and two weeks later my nephew lost his newborn baby. I am not so brave as you. At 22 years old, you must be an amazing person to bear so much pain and still reach out to help others. I say a prayer every night for my Lagacy Connect friends, we all need love, understanding and guidence, and I pray we all get it.
Comment by Michele on September 20, 2009 at 11:31pm
Deidre,
I am so sorry for the losses you have suffered. No, life isn't supposed to be like this. I lost my bf of 8 1/2 years one month and one day ago today. He was everything to my boys and myself and so many others. I hope your attitude is still staying so positive, just knowing you can think like that after such tragedy has brought me a little hope that maybe i can feel that way also. thank you for that. my heart and prayers go out to you and your family.
Comment by Bonnie Labelle on August 12, 2009 at 2:43pm
Dear Deidre You have come to the right place here, just getting to talk about this has been a god sent You keep your head up and keep your way of thinking that will bring you through this sad time in your life I lost my husband 11 months ago and I have lost a baby at 5 months gestation You will make friends here and they are wonderful people and i am grateful for this forum Bonnie Labelle

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