It's true - for this life is given to us - and we do with it , what we are taught to do - either by the morals & standards we've been taught - or with the back alley updates, on how the west was won . Well I have had my share of Crossing Over relatives , over this last month . Iam stronger because of it - but can't help being torn , at the same time .
When I was turning 14 yrs. old - the day before my Birthday , my Beloved Grandma P. left us . She was my rock .The very reason I knew I was born , to be her Grand Daughter. And "A" proud one I was . We did alot together - and I fell into a deep hole , after her passing . It took me to another place - a lost , dark , empty , misguided and very Faith shaken kid.
My Mother in Law just passed away - the next day an Aunt who was my idol growing up - also passed on . Then to top off the whole "comes in three's" myth - we had an unborn niece leave two days later .Through it all my Mother in Law , was a scared soul when she would allow herself , to ponder that soon her life was going to end.
She would shake , cry & become very unsettled in the thoughts of her being gone - her life (unstoppably) was ending in a matter of weeks . I felt this horrible cloud over me , when we would talk about the hereafter-or- the afterhere -the "not knowing" she said , is "what she feared". The final act to her was just that .
It's really funny - we never spoke before of what we felt spiritually - or our beliefs in the Promise of Eternal Rest , with Our Father in Heaven . All he gave for us sinners -and WHO he gave to pay for our sins - says it all . I keep a journal of thoughts , feelings,and things I feel ,I need ,or want to say ,to my friend who passed over in Nov.14,2005.
One day, I took my journal to my Mother in laws hosp. room - and I let her hear my words from within my deepest pain -and it was like sharing something with (what became),"A" very special friend. Right before she passed , she asked me if I had her journal yet - or wasn't I going to keep in touch with her -
I promised her, that I would keep her in my Heart -and that I would pray for her ,to be able to come into the Hearts of the ones who ,will need all of the "Spare Prayers" to keep them together- as People close to us , have more of deserted faith than the Prodigal Son .
And Fear of the unknown - HOW much more do you need to know about Angelic Eternity in Our Fathers Heavenly Home ? I know Iam not a straight A student in the church's attendence - but my love and my faith in all that I put it in - is true in Heart , mind, and soul . And like I told My Mother in Law- the ending of one - is the birth of another-here there is pain-suffering-hair appts.-and hands full of pills to swallow-JUST TO STAY ALIVE !!
In Heaven - it's everyday is the same as the days before-no wanting -or needing-sadness and dispair - all but a distant memory-it's like never feeling a deja vu .Life is then rebirth for new-but life will never be missed from before.

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