Hi - my name is Bonnie and I lost my daughter in a murder/suicide on August 23, 2008 - She was a school teacher, 37 yrs of age, and beautiful and well loved and very popular teacher. She left behine 2 daughters , ages 7 and 12, who I and my husband are now raising. We are 61 and 65. Our whole lives have been turned upside down. this murder/suicide happened in front of the two daughters and they witnessed everything up close and personal. I have them in counselling of course still. The anniversary of her death was so hard - it put me in bed for a week. I am griveing finally - for the first 6 to 8 months I was in shock. This is impossible to do alone - I have God in my life and my faith - and a wonderful husband who supports me and the two girls who I must go on living for - ! We formed a foundation called Heather's Hope, Inc. and had several fund raisers - The community has been awesome and raised about $ 78,000 for the girls for their college fund. We had a 5k run in June on Heather's birthday - and will have one annually in her memory.
I rely on God, my faith - my hope to see Heather again one day in heaven - and know I must push forward and be strong for the girls - but I have my moments - when everyone is gone and my husband is out of the house and the girls are at school - it is very very hard on me. I read books - lots of books on grieving and death of a child - I also lost my son on Jan 20 of 2003 due to an overdose of drugs causing a massive coronary - at age 27 - I have one daughter left - Amy, who is 42, single and struggling. There were over 1000 people at Heather's funeral - and her group of friends have become our group of friends and they are very supportive as well. When my son died a part of me died along with him and then when my daughter was murdered, well, the rest of my heart went along with her - I feel dead inside - I feel totally exhausted from grief and pain. I visit the cemetery often and fuss over the flowers and weeds I pull from around her marker - My son is buried next to my daughter and I go out there and sit and talk to both of them - I never imagined I would sit in a cemetery and talk to my children.
I've experienced all the guilt, regret, pain, tears, frustration, anger, aloneness, I've been there and done it all. I'm still of course heart broken but taking care of the two girls keeps me busy - and if I can just get them raised - and do a half way decent job of that - I will have served my purpose here on this earth - I hope God is merciful and allows me to live long enough to see them graduate from college - To see them marry and have children would be an extra bonus for me -
God bless you all who are hurting - pray, pray, pray - and believe you will see your child again in heaven - if you believe and ask God to help you -
In Heather's Spirit,
Bonnie

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