My mother died on September 12, 2009. I was with her everyday for the past 6 months when it all started with outpatient surgery... up to the second she took her last breath. Before she started sleeping nonstop, we held hands and just stared at each other. I slept by her side holding her hand. I saved her life 3 times over Doctor oversight, but she could no longer keep on fighting. At the end she was so tired, and asked that I let her go. I finally told her I would be OK, and she could go. She died 2 days later. I'm haunted by her last days and hours. I feel numb and still in shock. I find myself talking to her wherever I go as if she can really hear. I just can't bear that she's not alive any longer...not where I can just pick up the phone and share daily stuff with I pretend she's with me and talk to her. This is all so unreal. I've never known a day in my life when she wasn't in my world. I miss her so.

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Comment by Marilyn on October 25, 2009 at 1:41pm
I was going through papers and cards my mother saved and came across this one. I wrote this to my mother on one of her birthdays.

I am a part of umbilical cord...
Tied to the very center, the core, of my being.
I look at my life and all its moments,
And there you are... always a part of it.
My life has been painted against a background of your life.

Am I copying you?
Or rebelling against you?
Feeling different from you,
Or feeling the same?
Wanting to break free
Or wanting to hold on?

Who I am is so much of who you are.
What I think is so much of what you've taught me.
Where I start is where you end.
Where you've been, I will follow.
What Life has taught you, I will learn...and more.
Despite our differences,
Our Love exists...
Maybe because when I was little, it was just you and me against all else.
Maybe because as I grew, I watched you struggle to make a home for us.
Maybe because no matter how rough the world, you were a rock for me
Always there...always strong.
Such unconditional Love.
Knowing you will always hold my heart tenderly in your arms,
No matter what.
Knowing I will always hold your heart close to mine,
No matter what.

Two heart.
Created by one body.
From before birth to now,
Always a part of each other
So that if we took our Love away...
I wouldn't know...
Who I was.
Comment by Vanessa on October 12, 2009 at 3:48pm
I'm sorry to hear about your Mother. My Mom passed on Jan 4, 2009; and although there is some distance between her death and your loss, I still feel the same way. It's not as constant, it's not nearly as raw....but it's still there. I, too, talk to her all the time. I, too, am haunted by her last days and hours. I, too, don't know how I will move on without her constantly in my life. But..what I have learned with each passing that we do go on.....we may not want to...but we do.

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