after battling seeing my love fight for his life for over 3 years from this incidous disease called cancer, i had to say goodbye at the end of march of this year. i beat myself up every day that i wasnt there to be with him, and that my daughter wanted me home for the night. i had been with him every night and day, and one night i wasnt there he slipped away without me been there. i feel cheated, that we never made our 25th wedding annirversay, i still cannot feel him, or even know if he feels that i carried his wishes out. they say time eases the pain, but i'm not sure, he i am talking on the web, something that i would never thought i would ever do. but i guess i am at a point where i am just in robot mode. do what i have to do, look and care for the young adult children i have, manage the bills, and put on a mask to all that im coping. if only they knew that i still cry myself to a fretfull and restless sleep. i have moments every single day that i do not wish to be here, except for the children. no one can help, but thank you to ever reads this.