Justin is the youngest of my three sons and had just turned 28. He was my baby and always very close to me. Justin was killed on July 12, 2009 at 5 am in a car accident. His car left the expressway on a curve and ended up in a stand of trees next to an expressway ramp near our small town. Three days and 12 hours later I found my son's wrecked car and him inside it. I had a very bad feeling from the time I knew he was missing as he always kept close contact with his family. After our family contacted police, friends, etc. I decided to search his possible routes myself. I noticed scarred trees as I was exiting the ramp and upon further investigation and with the help of an employee from the business backing up to the expressway I was able to find my son. I am still trying to reconcile those images. It was so sad that he had been there waiting all those days to be found. I kept telling him that I was so sorry that it happened to him. The first two or three weeks were surreal. Since then I go from numb to desperate to " spiritual " coping to panic to disbelief and then repeat all of them again. It has not gotten any easier and it is almost five months. The missing him is getting worse as I was never away from him for more than a few days his whole life. He left behind three young children, 6, 2 and 9 months. I am trying to hold on for them and love and care for them the way Justin would. He would want me to do that. My family will never again be complete and I know the missing him will never leave me. At this point I refuse to let him go. I talk to him a lot and I hope that his spirit is around me but I am still left with this terrible, empty reality that my son Justin is no longer a part of my life here on earth.