ALzheimer's, but, GOD what an awful disease.  5 lonnnnnnnnn years of detioration.  I asked his primary doc for an order for hospice, he refused stating "there was no way he could say how long he had …

ALzheimer's, but, GOD what an awful disease.  5 lonnnnnnnnn years of detioration.  I asked his primary doc for an order for hospice, he refused stating "there was no way he could say how long he had left."  I said, "well it's MY dad, and he's on his way out, so I fired him, put dad in hospice, stopped all his meds (at thispoint he could barely SWALLOW!!!.  WHY??? would u make a man who can't swallow take 10 pills a day???? And, I knew he was dying, daddy knew he was dying.... only one who didn't was his STUPID doc....  3 weeks after hospice involved, I lost my confidante, my best friend and daddy...  I stayed up for 36 hrs straight as his breathing changed, and watching for purple splotches on bottom of his feet (indicating his heart was slowing and death was iminent)... my mom was asleep in the chair next to him when I checked his feet that time (THANK GOD), cuz I had a private meltdown moment, crawled in to bed w/ him for the las time, hugged him, and told him what he meant to me.  Kissed him, stroked his arms and legs, then called rest of kids....  we all sat there silent for 2 hours.....they left at 6 a.m., and 10:45 nurse came in and said, "honey go home and take a shower and come back", I said, "nahhh, I promised I'd be here...."   She said, "don't take this the wrong way, but he should not have made it thru the night.  He may be waiting for u to step out".   SOOOO, my dilemma..... break my promise, or let him go..........  I left for an hour and half, walked in room, and mom said, "he's gone".......  I don't know if I will ever forgive myelf...  either way, my presence either extended his passing, or I broke my promise.  SOmething he'd never do to me.......  I miss u daddy.  I hope in an afterlife so I can hold u again...........  Honey babe.... xoxoxo

Views: 87

Comment

You need to be a member of LegacyConnect to add comments!

Join LegacyConnect

Latest Conversations

Community Guidelines

Please be respectful of others. For more information, read our Community Guidelines.

Follow Legacy

© 2019   Created by Legacy.com.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service