In the early 80s, I lost my Grandmother. She was the rock of our Italian family coming over from Italy with my mother in 1930. I have lost people I knew, but no one that was very close. Someone you saw bascially every day and loved you so much. This was hard. Then in 1985, I lost my father. He had been very sick and I helped Mom take care of him. Even though that we knew some day his time would come, this was harder. Then in 1996, my Mother, my best friend, died in my arms and I thought that was the hardest of all, but I was wrong. November 7, 2009, my son Shane, age 33, died after laying down for a nap and never woke up. The Coroner said it was a rare and defected heart that was hard to detect. This is the ultimate loss. You are not suppose to bury your child. All of them died during the winter holiday season, so from Thanksgiving to Christmas has always been a bittersweet time.

Rejoicing in those we have and love and mourning those we loved that have passed on. We grieve because we have loved and was loved in return. We cry our sorrowful tears for their memories or joyful ones when we remember the times they made us laugh. We are lucky, even though it is hard now to see that, that we loved enough to hurt and was loved in return. We just must not ever think we can not love so much again because if we lose that love we will hurt again. The scars of the heart is a life that was lived and passion that was given.

I dont know who i am right now, i hurt, i am angry, i am confused, but i know i have a family to take care of and family and friends who try to take care of me. But we just want your loved ones around and you never want to let go. Shane brought into my life many joys. He brought in a wonderful daughterinlaw for me, a beautiful grandson and with his gifts of life someone can now see that was blind. My daughter had a wonderful brother, my grandchildren a fun uncle, my family a nephew/cousin that they got to know and have fun.

It is a difficult road to travel now.....