My name is susan iam 42 years old on July 30,2009 i received a phone call from my niece who is 15 telling me my twin sister had died, i could'nt beleive it i just talked to her a hour ago she sounded find she was getting ready to come over my house so i could help look for a apartment online, she was not feeling well for awhile friday before she died she came to my house crying she was sick and felt like she was going to pass out i want to call for an ambulance but she said no so i made her some soup and made her lay down with a cool wash rag on her head, i want her to stay with me overnight so i could take care of her she said she had to get home her kids were giving such a hard time i was so mad at them for treating her so awful and out of no where i said your mom is going to be dead by the end of the month,i don't why i said that i guess i wanted them to wake up and realize she was sick and to stop treating her so awful, i wish i would have never had said that and i should have gotten her help and not listen to her i feel like it was my fault if i would have called an ambulance maybe she would still be here today, the day she died a part of me died also and i will never be the same without her, she was my best friend we did everything together iam lost without her and no one seems to understand,i have a good husband 3 great kids and 2 children i sould'nt feel lost but i do,it seems like everytime i want to talk about my sister everyone changes the subjet i need to talk about her it makes me feel like she is still here if that makes any sense,i wake up crying in the middle of the night and can't stop my husband tells me to stop i would if i could, my family is getting upset with me becaus, my life is nothing but marie and her children and grandson i feel now its my responabilty to make sure they are ok, they live with there father but he is not a good person my sister and him were separted the time of her death and i know they are not happy being with him and i can't have them come here to live i have a house full and i have alot on me allready, i feel so bad for them and there is nothing i can do but let them know i love them and iam here if they need me, i feel so much quilt why did'nt i do more for her i just did'nt realize how sick she really was, she died of a heart attack she had heart disease that no one knew about, i miss her so much i just don't know how to handle all this if anyone can help me please e-mail me i will take any advice i want to stop feeling like this and start being a wife mom and grandmom again my family is my world and i have'nt been there for them like i use to be, i can't help it she was my world also. thanks for listening

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