My Beautiful Daughter

My daughter Ashley was everything to me. She wasn't just my daughter, she was my very best friend. As she was growing up we became close and remained that way. Ashley was diagnosed in 2005 with a brain tumor. It was benign but due to the craniotomies she went through, she had deficits. It never changed her nor the loving way she was. In 2007, Ashley had went through radiation, due to residual tumor that they could not remove. She stayed strong, did well though her pituitary ended up non functioning and she had what they call DI in which she had to be reminded to drink lots of fluid because if she didn't her sodium would act up and she would end up in the hospital. There were some other medical issues that came up but nothing that couldn't be corrected or taken care of. Besides the sodium issues Ashley did fine. It was in Nov of 2009, that she went into the hospital after returning from a University hospital that things went way wrong. The University sent her home with a high sodium in which she had to be rushed to a nearby local hospital for treatment. She got better and was her happy usual self, I had an Uncle pass away so there were two days I was unable to go to the hospital and be with her but every time I called I was told she was doing great. I went up to see her on that Sat. Nov 14th, 2009 and my daughter was lethargic and incoherent. I became a banshee and asked what the heck happened to my daughter and get a doctor in here now. She was wide awake and I wanted answers. Needless to say, My baby girl, passed away on Nov 15, 2009 from an Intra cranial Hemorrhage. What happened, to this day I do not no. I miss her so much and found myself at such a loss for everything. It is so hard to face what has happened and to go on day after day. I do for my other kids, but the loss is so great, I feel lost! I don't feel whole anymore. I feel like I am out in another world. My heart aches to see her, hug her and hear her say I love you Mom. Her smile brightened my day. My days are gloomy now.

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Comment by Janice on December 7, 2010 at 1:37pm: Teresa,
I'm so very sorry about the loss of your daughter, Ashley. I wish I could take the pain away but, unfortunately I cannot. We all have been giving the worst feat ever....to live on a deal with the death of our children. To say it's hard is an understatement. There are no words to describe what we as parents go through every single day. All I can do is pray for strength for you and keep you in my prayers. stay strong Teresa. God Bless
Janice

Comment by Janice on December 7, 2010 at 1:37pm: Teresa,
I'm so very sorry about the loss of your daughter, Ashley. I wish I could take the pain away but, unfortunately I cannot. We all have been giving the worst feat ever....to live on a deal with the death of our children. To say it's hard is an understatement. There are no words to describe what we as parents go through every single day. All I can do is pray for strength for you and keep you in my prayers. stay strong Teresa. God Bless
Janice

Comment by Kathy Mook on January 20, 2010 at 5:34pm: Teresa, I'm very sorry for the loss of Ashley and that you had to make the same decision that I did. I think that you might relate to some feelings I've felt. When we got a call that Jon was in the hospital, it wasn't real alarming. First off, we were told that he choked on some food but he was ok. They said he wasn't waking up like they wanted him to so they were going to keep him another night. It was so, disalarming that my daughter and I got off work a little early and went out for a late lunch. After I got home, I got online to see if Jon's grandma had sent me an email to tell me which hospital he was at. Jon had been in and out of hospitals most of his adult life. Never anything serious. With his CP he would occasionally lurch into a table or something when he crawled and needed a couple of stitches. He had gone a few times in recent years for depression, which was later diagnosed as BiPolar disorder. As I was looking through my emails, I got a call from a social worker in the ICU unit (the ICU part didn't even click) who wanted his family to meet to make some decisions. Now I was thinking, oh, he woke up and hasn't had his normal meds and is giving them a hard time. So my daughter and I went to the hospital thinking he was ok. I had planned to tease him by saying "wake up old man, you've been sleeping long enough." We got there before his Dad and grandmother arrived so I asked where he was so I could seem him first. They told me ICU. Still not connecting the urgency. When we got to the room, he looked like he was sleeping. Then the nurse came in and told us he was brain-dead, no brain activity. Thus the nightmare started. I'm sorry this is so long but when I read that when you came back, Ashley was not in the shape you were expecting. That's how it was for us. I know if wouldn't have made any difference as to how I feel without him, but oh the shock, after being told he was ok. I have 3 other adult children, 2 sons, and a daughter, but Jon was the one that was always wanting to visit with me and he shared my faith so we could have discussions about what the Lord was doing in our lives. It's all gone now and I too feel like there is a major hole in my heart.
Keep sharing. It helps. Hugs of Hope, Kathy

Comment by Terry H. on January 19, 2010 at 1:47pm: So sorry for your loss

Comment by Tami on January 18, 2010 at 11:30pm: Teresa, I am so sorry for the loss of your Ashley, What a trying time for both of you. I too feel that I am not really here, or that I am living this nightmare... I hope that you share more stories of Ashley and maybe when you can some pictures. I love to see others Children so I can icture them when we are talking about them. Please know that we are all here for you and we understand the feelings you are feeling. I hold you and Ashley in my heart.
(((HUGS)))
Tami