Today I am going to see a hand surgeon because I have developed De Querviens tendonitis in both hands.... I have actually had it for 2 yrs. but it's getting worse and now I need to make a decision.

I realized other than having my son that if I decide to have the surgery my Mom will not be here to comfort me. I won't be able to go and lay in bed with her and be the big baby I always was in her presence.

My sister has been like a mother to me. We were so young when my Mom got sick (ALS) so in a way my sister helped raise me. One day after my Mom passed a girl I knew from school sd "I did not know your mother had been sick all those years" I just smiled inside because we seemed so normal, not many of my school friends (only my closest) knew my Mom was terminally ill because nothing really changed for us. So I am thinking... How can a terminally ill lady on a respirator take care of 2 kids ... she was technically bedridden BUT the day she came home we decided she would NOT just sit in bed in a gown... we ordered a wheel chair and we got her out of bed everyday and put clothes on her we had her nails done on a weekly basis... we went on vacations every now and then (what a adventure with all the equipment but it was fun) we tried to make her life as normal as possible for her.

She always sd she was blessed to have us but it was the other way around .... we were blessed to have her. SHE really was AWESOME. I remember she used to say to us that she prayed that GOD would allow her to watch us girls become women. He granted that for her and she was able to witness her first grandchild... I remember I was at the hosp with my sister and my mom's wknd nurse/friend had come over to be with her so I could be with my sister.... Anyways, my poor sister is in labor and I am standing behind her with the phone so that my Mom could hear on speaker phone the birth of my nephew.... LOL ... at that time I was 30 my sister was 35. So not only did she see us become women she was abe to witness the birth of her 1st grandchild.

I think back to 1989 when her lungs collasped and she was placed on the respirator she was in the hospital for 2 to 3 months ... i remember going to the hospital in my prom dress with my date so I could take pictures with her... she's lying in bed and we are snapping pictures with her and my date... she sd she was so happy I did that. She was so proud of me.

If it weren't for my sister I would have ended up in fostercare, my mom in a nursing home our lives would have been totally different but the path GOD set before us was the one we were meant to travel.

I say all this because I was just thinking how I had such a wonderful life with my Mom and sister ... i am just thinking how it's true that GOD has a plan for all of us, we may not understand BUT he owe's us no explanation. Our lives were etched in stone before we even entered the world. His plan is designed without the ability to faulter or change. He gives us what he knows we can truly handle. HE has designed our lives and no matter how we wish things were different it was meant to be. Glory to HIM because HE is a marvelous and AWESOME GOD!

Hugs to everyone today and blessings to you all.