I lost my mother almost 3 weeks ago. She died suddenly from torn heart artery following a stroke, we though she'd be ok cause she was still conscious at the hospital after suffering those two things but then 2 days later she went into cardiac arrest and died. Doctors stated they are suprised she even made it 2 more days after those two major episodes. I still find myself in shock in disbelief. I hate this time of my life, i feel so lost and confused. My mom was 62 and im a 36 yr old single mother. So of course she was the only thing that helped me and guide me through life. She was everything to me. I would call her 4 to 6x a day. Always joking together and laughing. On weekends I would rather take her and dad out somewhere rather than being out partying. Just recently I took my parents to the movies and some coffee. Now I have no joy in my life. Im so devistated, I cant find happiness in anything. I know i have a 15 yr old son but I have no strength. I cant stop thinking of the folding events and keep replaying every moment. I often get so confused and start questioning myself if maybe the doctors didnt try hard enough or maybe we missed something. She had high blood pressure and borderline diabetes, but was in control with her meds. Thats what makes it harder for me to understand. People say time will heal wounds, but I honestly doubt it. How can it if her abscence will forever be now. Now she will never see me get married or have a baby or any good changes I make in my life. Im getting depressed and maybe will even get bitter. I see friends that have it all, both parents living, husbands, and some of them arent even good daughters. And I get upset that why was my mom snatched from me when I was good to her. Then I think why be good if look at me now. Where has my kindness got me. My mom was very spiritul and religious and would get upset with me for not trying to get to know about god. Maybe now I will for her and myself. But how do I live meanwhile with this horrible pain and absence. I can never find happiness again.

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