Tonight I'm wallowing. I acknowledge it, does that make it okay? If it's a conscious choice is it a bad thing? I feel like I've disappointed people tonight, even though I know intellectually that I didn't. But that doesn't stop me from beating up on myself for it for a while.

This is the sort of thing that I would have talked to Dan about and he would have helped keep me from chasing it around in my head and driving myself nuts with it. I guess I'll have to figure out how to shake it out of my head on my own. But not tonight. Tonight I'm too tired to do anything about it beyond "take a sleeping pill and go to bed". I need to be at work early tomorrow for a long day, and I'm wondering if I should take a full pill or not, if I'll have enough time to get a full night sleep, or if I should just do a half a pill.

And then there's the corner that says "the heck with it, take all of them and then you don't have to worry about it anymore." But it's a very very small corner. And one that I know better than to listen to... one that I can acknowledge is part of the wallowing.

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