"John Bowlby, a noted psychiatrist, outlined the ebb and flow of processes such as shock and numbness, yearning and searching, disorganization and despair, and reorganization." - Wikipedia.org
I'm going to need to learn more about this model of grief, because the more reading I'm doing, the more I'm seeing consensus that the Kübler-Ross model (which was based on people facing death rather than on those who survived the death of a loved one) isn't always the best roadmap for dealing with this hell.
http://www.asbestos.com/support/grief-process.php seems to have some information on it, I'll have to read it tomorrow. Is it progress that it took me a minute to think about "tomorrow" to realize that "tomorrow" is "four weeks to the day"? I'm not feeling as lost today as I was over the weekend, is that closer to acceptance or simply avoidance? I don't know. I know that I want to "fast forward" through the pain and get on to somewhere that I've assimilated and can deal with the fact that he's gone, because the bad feelings suck rocks.
Last night I could imagine him looking at something silly that the dogs were doing, and I could see the happy smile on his face, could imagine him looking up at me with the look on his face that always preceeded him saying "I love our puppies"... and that was comforting. On the flip side, I couldn't check the "Single" box today when I was updating my emergency contact information at work, and I cried when I changed the info from my husband's name to my mother's. So I guess there's a lot more work to do. Can I power my way through this? Not in a "can I survive this day to day" way but in the "can I force the time to go faster so I can get through it more quickly?" sort of way? Can I finally use my "easily distractable" nature to my advantage?