Survivor Guilt

I have known my ex husband for over 40 years and he is suffering terminal cancer.
He is much loved by our eldest grandchild who is unhappy with me at the moment
My ex and I only had one child and he and his family are not communicating with me although my ex requested that I visit him in hospital which I have been more than happy to do. We have been friends since I was 18. The family dont have any concept about this long term friendship.
I feel on my own and wish I could trade places with my ex to make my family feel better. I feel guilty that the loved family member is ill and I am not
How do I deal with this and how do I deal with my son and family
What can I tell my teenage grandaughter?

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Comment by susan wooten on April 24, 2011 at 6:55pm: i feel for you, Jenn. I don't know what you can do with his family..when i tell you my situation, you will see...i let them go and don't let them get to me. but i don't have a child that is hurt by it...but she is a teenager, right? they can handle the truth. more than you know. talk to her and tell her everything...holding anything back will only make things worse. I have a 23 yr old and learned that painfully a long time ago.

I lost my husband to cancer 5 yrs ago (not my son's father--stepfather--) and his family tried to blame me....wow......i just figured they needed to blame SOMEONE, why not me?? i didn't care....let them.

it was the hardest thing, him passing...especially so painfully.

then i got engaged a couple of yrs later. within a year he passed from mesothelioma..lung cancer due to asbestos....

so i'm basically twice widowed and only 42..

now i don't know what to do.

survivors guilt gets to me...and no seem hope for future.

sometimes i don't want to live...but continue on for my son....

if you want to email me it is susanzzw7@hotmail.com maybe we can help each other....

i spend too much time depressed but think that helping someone who can understand would help me. my problem is no one does understand. i know i will live...i have my son...you have your granddaughter...can we help each other?

i hope....

oxox hugs...

Susan

Comment by susan wooten on April 24, 2011 at 6:55pm: i feel for you, Jenn. I don't know what you can do with his family..when i tell you my situation, you will see...i let them go and don't let them get to me. but i don't have a child that is hurt by it...but she is a teenager, right? they can handle the truth. more than you know. talk to her and tell her everything...holding anything back will only make things worse. I have a 23 yr old and learned that painfully a long time ago.

I lost my husband to cancer 5 yrs ago (not my son's father--stepfather--) and his family tried to blame me....wow......i just figured they needed to blame SOMEONE, why not me?? i didn't care....let them.

it was the hardest thing, him passing...especially so painfully.

then i got engaged a couple of yrs later. within a year he passed from mesothelioma..lung cancer due to asbestos....

so i'm basically twice widowed and only 42..

now i don't know what to do.

survivors guilt gets to me...and no seem hope for future.

sometimes i don't want to live...but continue on for my son....

if you want to email me it is susanzzw7@hotmail.com maybe we can help each other....

i spend too much time depressed but think that helping someone who can understand would help me. my problem is no one does understand. i know i will live...i have my son...you have your granddaughter...can we help each other?

i hope....

oxox hugs...

Susan