April 14 my dad will be gone 1.5 yrs. I have days that I don't want to get out of bed and if I see a picture of him or someone talks about him I burst into tears. I usually pretend he is at the hospital and can't get visitors and he will be home soon,then reality hits again and everything is so real. I loved him so much and helped my mom take care of him. My mom is so sad (after 61 yrs of marriage) and refuses counseling that we don't know what to do for her. Her sadness and anger is affecting everyones relationship with her, trying to get her in a church group just to talk hoe she will go. I just want to let everyone know how wonderful my "little papa" was, he was so kind and generous and such a loving sole he was funny, hard working and very playful. Yes, I did cry when I wrote that but, it feels good to let people know about him. I also know he is out of pain and that he held on so long to stay with us he ran out energy and the fight in him just left. I have not been able to go to church since he died I'm working on that! I wish everyone well and hope that all of us that share this awful common bond can help eachother and heal. I do keep a feeelings journal and it does help a little, I also noticed that walking (even when it's cold )clears the head. Good luck to all that read this.