Had the worst day in weeks today. Just got to the point where I completely didn't care about anything. Work, my job, keeping my job, the house, the chores, anything. I considered just walking out on my job and not caring about the consequences. I fought through it, eventually, and the afternoon was a little better. Hearing the thunder (instead of just the boring, grey, drizzly rain we've had) actually helped... I hope we have more thunderstorms soon. Nothing destructive, but something other than the boring, grey, drizzly, overcast rain.
I made myself go to dance class tonight. I enjoyed some of it, but for most of it I was just making myself go through it and go through the choreography. Not enjoying it, but at least doing it, which is the first step. The fun will come back, I'm sure.
When I got home I realized that one of the things that had gotten recorded tonight was the musical episode of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", which has always been one of my favorite episodes. It had come to mind for me recently because the song "Going Through the Motions" was running through my head not that long ago. The other song I had been trying to remember was "Walk Through the Fire":
I touch the fire and it freezes me
I look into it and it's black
Why can't I feel?
My skin should crack and peel
I want the fire back
Now, through the smoke she calls to me
To make my way across the flame
To save the day or maybe melt away
I guess it's all the same
So, I will walk through the fire
Cause where else can I turn?
I will walk through the fire
And let it - -
I had forgotten about the last song, "Life's A Show". I had to go back and listen to it twice, especially the verse at the end.
Life's not a song
Life isn't bliss
Life is just this
You'll get along
The pain that you feel
You only can heal
You have to go one living
So one of us is living...
and then the line that was cut from the broadcast version I saw, but I remember from the original: "The hardest thing in this world is to live in it."