Today is the 13th of March. Which means that there is a St. Patty's Day parade going on where we use to live. That would make me lonely enough, just knowing that I'm here not there. Of course if Gary was alive we might be there. We traveled the three hours back and forth quite often and he knows I'm a sucker for a good parade. But by the same token, my daughters are working today and my son wouldn't care to go to a parade and Gary really couldn't walk far, so I might not have gone anyway. I know some things change a lot with age and time, and I'm sad about that.

I have always made a special St. Pat's day meal. With a name like Colleen, well, I've just always favored the Irish part of me. How I came to have that part when most of my relatives are very German is another subject, but it is what it is.

In eight days it will be March 21st. That would have been my fourth wedding anniversary. Gary was always so good at making it a special day. Even on the years when we would have to work or something, he never forgot this very special day.

Four days after our anniversary will be the 25th - my birthday. Again, Gary spoiled me so very much and he would use my birthday as an excuse to really treat me like his "goddess" as he called me. And yes, he called me his "goddess" or "the goddess" all of the time, to all of his friends and his family, and when he said good morning, as often as not it would be "Good morning, goddess". Which made me think of another morning ritual. I would wake up and say "'Morning, Lover, and he would say "Good morning, baby', followed by "My GOD, do you know how much I love you?" I thought I did. I think I did.

Anyway, so the rest of March will be difficult to say the least. Carrying on through what would be happy times is going to be heart breaking and lonely. I miss him. I am doing my best and it's killing me inside.