It was December 2nd, 2009, I saw Kelly at 1.00pm that afternoon and then I had to hurry to work. She seemed a little distressed about personal issues going on between her husband and their life. Her husband was an abuser, mentally and physically. He pyschologically damaged her for the last 11 years and made her the person she was, scared, she had anxiety prolems and was afraid of her husband. In my eyes she was the most beautiful, stunning girl with the greatest heart in the world always caring about others. She never thought she could have a baby and then by God's grace she was pregnant and had a perfect baby boy named Cole. the happiest baby I had seen.
That day was the worst day of my LIFE. The call came while I was at work to go to my daughters house. I was kind of irritated thinking " Oh here we go again, they are fighting, they are always fighting " but my supervisor was insistant that I go. I tried to call Kelly but there was no answer, I tried to call Kellys sister Jacalyn but there was no answer, I didn't know what to think. So I am driving to Kellys house and I think to call her Dad, my ex. and see if he knows what is going on. He answered right away and I said what is the problem at Kellys. The news I was about to receive was the worst news ever. Kelly was dead at 27, leaving behind a beautiful baby boy at 6 months. She shot herself in the head with a gun her husband had purchased for her for protection. They had had an argument, he called the cops and she was dead. I think I screamed the rest of the way to her house. I am surprised I made it in one piece. I had never felt so stunned in all my life. I was in deep shock. I called her brother, and Jacalyn and my husband Vernon and they came along with my best friend Tracy. She looked like she was sleeping, at peace.
There was no suicide note , I know she didn't mean to do it. She had already bought presents for us for Christmas and a ton for the baby. She was a 100% not ready to die.
My life will never be the same again, I never realised how much she meant to me, I think about her every day, some days I hurt so bad, some days I cry and nobody knows my pain, some days I am full of anger, and I am mad at the everyone and I snap at my husband and Jacalyn. But the pain is not getting better, it gets worst. Losing your child is the worst pain of a lifetime, you will never forget, especially birthdays and holidays. Life is the pits, what do we have to live for when we lose a child, not much, in my case I am recently remarried so that is good. No one unless you have lost a child knows what the pain is like. It is forever........ I love my daughter and I miss her terribly. Life goes on unfortunately and I just have to make the most of it............

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Comment by CANDACE BRIGHTWELL on August 8, 2010 at 9:58am
I read you story on your daughter and I am so sorry for you I too lost a son very young altho it was an accident it was not suicide . I'm not sure if I could handle that. it's true no one knows what a Mother goes thru until it happens. mY son drowned in a pond behind his house leaving two small sons. He was a man that lived for his sons and parents I had jus tspoken to him right before his leaving me and if I had known he was going ina boat in the cold weather to take pictures I'd told him not to. Anything to keep him from that. All we can do is get by each day my work is affected my marriage I have three other sons and I love them with all my heart but when I lost my baby my world came crashing I feel your pain I don't even want to go to church anymore People keep telling me to go and I did but I cried and had an anxiety attack l had to leave. Sometimes I feel I'm going crazy. I don't feel like laughing any more is that normal? I cna hardly look at his picture without going to pieces. My throat has a lump in it all the time. My husband stays busy all the time we hardly talk about anything I wish I coudld help you I pray I could help myself now on top of this his insurance went to the kids which is alright but I could not get any funds to pay the funeral and used all my cash to do so and now I'm broke, I'm not complaining but combined with all of the other problems I'm a mess too so I wanted you to know you are not alone even tho you think you are If I can help let me know

Comment by Jody's Mom on July 6, 2010 at 7:56pm
I lost my daughter june 27,1993,she was only 16 years old. Nobody don't know the hurt and emptyness you feel,its something you never get over.I didn't want to believe it for a long time that she shot herself ,no she would not do that to me,then I thought she didn't want to be with me , it hurt so bad.It has been 17 years and it still hurts knowing I can't see her but she is still in my heart ,that will never go away . I always ask why , you never expect to lose your child .

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