i have such a heavy, so so sad feeling for days now...i continue to live life but not really...i just do what i needs to be done (or so i think)...but the sadness is always there. my heart feels like a cinderblock...time...that is what most people tell me that have experienced any kind of death...i am waiting...my sadness today is almost worse than last july 24, 2009 because the shock has worn off and reality has set in. i look everyday for something to make me laugh or just smile...i look for all the positive things i can find in life...in the meantime my heart continues to break. i wish i could go to sleep and wake up when enough "time" has passed and the pain has softened. i miss michael in everything that i do. even the new things i am doing he is still a part of because i can't go home and share my new adventure with him. maybe if i just keep writing that will help...i just don't know

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