Over these last few months, I thought I'd finally gotten to a point where I was finding myself again. I haven't cried in months and been able to switch off my thoughts of you when they tried to consume me. I think with the aniversary of your death approaching this Thursday, I am unable to get you out of my mind. It still hurts so bad. You left me, and mom and dad. I just wonder if you knew everything that has happened since you left, would you have made the same decision? Do you still think the decision you made was the right one?!
I get on your facebook and just yesterday had to break it to one of your friends from the Marines that you had taken your own life. Of course, he had to ask how it happened, and I just sat there for a long time trying to figure out how to put it into words. It's still hard to say it.
Mom has finally started seeing a counselor, since she has been putting off grieving. She doesn't like to talk to me about you. She told me it was because she doesn't want to make me sad, but it doesn't make me sad anymore; it just hurts. I have a broken heart.
I still just want to talk to you again. Everytime the weather is nice, I think "God, Matthew would have enjoyed this so much. He'd be out riding his motorcycle." I thought sunny days were supposed to be happy days.
Well, I hope you're doing ok. I wonder all the time where you are at and what you're doing.
Only if I could speak to you again...
I love you so much and miss you beyond words can explain.
Love always, your sister,