The First Anniversary Without My Husband

I haven't made any posts in quite a while. I have been on a roller coaster ride that never ends since January 9, 2010 when my husband was taken from me by that horrible disease lung cancer. Monday, June 28, 2010 would have been our thirteenth wedding anniversary. But there is no anniversary, because there is no longer a marriage. It ended on January 9, 2010. "Til death do us part" I think are the vows we took. I have been trying to find another life since then. Mainly I have been reflecting on my old life. The one Noel was in. Little things meant a lot. I feel alone most of the time. I remember how my husband used to protect me whenever we walked down the street or in a parking lot. He would get on the outside and make sure nothing could hurt me, any stray car would strike him first. I remember that I no longer have that safety net when I go to malls or walk down the street now. I just want to scream sometimes. I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!!! Rambling thoughts, good and bad, fill my mind constantly. It was easier in the beginning, because you are just numb. Now my heart is breaking and I don't know how to breathe......sometimes. Sometimes I hold my little grandson and my heart is filled with hope and love.....sometimes. Monday will be hard...harder that the other Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays.

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