I have lost two sons and the only ones I had. One was 6 years old when he died in 1961 and the other was 49 when he died last September, 2009. I really have never gotten over the loss of my first one, but find my grief managable. However losing my second son has torn my heart out. He did leave me a beautiful granddaughter and she has given me two beautiful great granddaughters. When I am alone the emptiness washes over me and I get very tearful. I know from experience the first year is the toughest. All the firsts you have to somehow get through. I am so thankful that the last time I saw I my son, I hugged him and said "I love you so much, you are my whole world." I hope he remembered that when he lay dying alone in his home. His was a very unexpected death and so unnecessary.