I have lost two sons and the only ones I had. One was 6 years old when he died in 1961 and the other was 49 when he died last September, 2009. I really have never gotten over the loss of my first one, but find my grief managable. However losing my second son has torn my heart out. He did leave me a beautiful granddaughter and she has given me two beautiful great granddaughters. When I am alone the emptiness washes over me and I get very tearful. I know from experience the first year is the toughest. All the firsts you have to somehow get through. I am so thankful that the last time I saw I my son, I hugged him and said "I love you so much, you are my whole world." I hope he remembered that when he lay dying alone in his home. His was a very unexpected death and so unnecessary.

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Comment by Mollye Self on July 9, 2010 at 6:44pm
Miriam I am sure he remembered and I believe your relationship with him was such that he knew just how much he meant to you. I am so sorry for your loss.

My youngest son Jake was shot and killed just three weeks ago on June 17 and we still do not know if it was an accident, on purpose by his own hand, or if his fiancee was somehow involved. Regardless of the ruling the outcome is the same. Our son on gone. He was a wonderful son and such a strong child of God that we take comfort in knowing where he is, but our hearts are learning to heal from the sadness of his absence. I also have wondered if he knew how much he was loved by me as I had had some harsh words with him a couple of weeks before his death, but this is what we do in trying to deal with guilt. I have to believe our relationship stood for far more in his mind than one argument. I wish you all the best and much mercy and peace.Love, Mollye

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