My Brad passed away on August 5, 2009. It was very sudden, he left to go to the store and the minute he left our subdivision (35 seconds later) he suffered cardiac arrest and was gone. I heard sirens and had a sick feeling in my stomach for a few seconds and then my neighbor came over to ask if Brad was home, I said no but he would be right back, thinking she needed help with something as Brad helped everyone out. She had a funny look on her face and said there was an accident and there was a red blazer. I immediately went outside and saw across the field by our house our car. I remember running across the field and saw him laying on the side of the road surrounded by EMT's doing CPR. The police wouldnt let me go over by him, he was so still. Finally they said they were taking him to he hospital, only a few minutes away. My neighbor took my daughter and myself to the hospital and when I got there I told them my husband was just brought in and they told me to go into a room off of the lobby and someone would be in soon. Then I knew he was gone, I didn't want to go in to the room to hear those words. They had to pull me in there and that's when they told me Brad was gone. It was the first time he left that we didn't kiss goodbye. All he did was smile and wink at me and say, I'll be home in a few minutes. Now I know what he meant. He was feeling so good, I dont understand how something like this could happen to turn my life upside down and things will never be the same again. Part of me died that day also. We worked together and went everywhere together, we were together 24/7, that day was the only time I didn't go with him to the store. Oh how I wish I would have gone with him.
It is coming up on 1 year since he left me and I feel I am worse off now than I was in August. I am so lonely, I am depressed, I can't find a therapist to talk to, all they keep telling me is my feelings are "normal", no one can tell me how to deal with this. I feel like I will never be the same again, he doesn't come to me in my dreams which I wish he would, just to see his smile again. I need help and don't know what to do!
I know many of you are going through the same thing, can anyone help me?
Thanks for reading this,