Dear Mom,

You left me seven years ago today. I still cannot believe it has been seven years, nor can I believe that I still miss you just as much, if not more.

I am so tired of feeling sad. I don't want to feel sad anymore, but I just can't seem to shake it. I can't get used to a life without you. I wonder if I still feel so bad about you leaving because I didn't allow myself to really feel your loss in the first place. I spent so much time and energy trying to keep it together that I missed my opportunity to mourn. Now I'm stuck in this sad and lonely place; lost.

Mom, I know you want me to be happy, but truthfully, the past seven years have sucked. I have felt an undercurrent of loneliness and saddness and emptyness filling my moments. Now I'm numb: no saddness or joy. The waiting place. I'm hoping this blog gets me out of this place.

I love you so much and I really don't like this life without you.

Christy