My husband of 18 years passed away on June 1, 2010 from cancer. He was only 40. We were married 18 years and together for 1/2 our lives (20yrs). I am having such a hard time dealing with his death. He was truely my best friend and soulmate. We did EVERYTHING together. I don't know how to live without him. Part of me just wants to die and the other part of me is already dead. I cry all the time and there is this pain in my heart that is so unbearable. People say in time the pain will get better, but for me it only gets worse. It seems so unreal that he is gone. I miss him so much!

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Comment by david on March 4, 2011 at 11:55am

kim    i  lost my wife the day after last easter sunday . head on car accident . will never compeletly recover but i am in better place today than i was a few months ago . ask for help . i did. it worked for me. ask who you say . ask whoever your heart tells you to .

david

Comment by Peter on March 1, 2011 at 11:44pm
Kim, I'm sorry for your loss. I feel your pain. It's only been 6 days that my wife Kandy passed and I don't know how I will move forward but I know I must. I do know that people help us move forward.
Comment by Brigitte on February 27, 2011 at 6:02pm

Dear Kim,

 

I send you love and caring.  My sweet Douglas passed away July 2009 after a very long battle with Parkinson's disease.  He was 37 when diagnosed -- very disturbing.  I watched this beautiful spirit disappear over the years.  We were together 32 years (married 27 of them) -- half of our lifetime.  He was my best friend, soulmate, spouse and we did everything together as well.  The first year is so difficult -- all the firsts that we spend without our loved ones to hold.  They are with us in spirit, but the first year we are not able to understand that.  I am going through the 2nd year without Douglas.  Is it easier -- yes and no.  I still think about him everyday and miss him terribly.  Some days are better than others.  This year I am buying cards on every holiday and occasion.  I write in them all of my feelings -- especially how much I love and miss him.  Then I put them in my memory album that I have started.  Memories, that is something that did not die with Douglas.  Kim, I know how much you hurt.  Take it one step at a time, baby steps, and stay with this site.  You will get stronger in time.  There are a lot of people who love you and care.  Our spouses may not be here physically but they are here spiritually.  We will get through this!

 

In peace,

 

Brigitte

Comment by Corrine Cayton on January 6, 2011 at 1:05pm

Kim my heart breaks for you. I lost my love Joe suddenly Oct. 24th. Absolutely blindsided by his death.  I completely understand how you feel half dead. I didn't want to live without him. We were never apart. We always held hands. I felt him take my hand as I slept in the early hours just before waking up after he had died. I held his hand and continued reaching for him asking why everything had changed. I felt happiness coming from him as I had a vision of him smiling standing in the kitchen. He loved to cook.  I reached for his big strong arms trying not to let go but he let go. I felt his head on my chest and then I woke up. When we began dating he asked me to take his hand and walk with him through this journey of life. I felt peace when he came to me but such sadness at the same time. We had so much to do together, so many plans. Everything I see or hear, all my senses in someway make me think of Joe. I miss him with all my being. I get up everyday and go through the motions I started praying for strength and my prayers are answered. I felt Joe's presence so stronge that morning that I know I will see him again and that brings me comfort. My thoughts and prayers are with you Kim. 

Comment by Marilyn Hannah on January 5, 2011 at 5:45pm

I also know how you feel. Charles and I were also soulmates. We were married 40 years and have only been apart a few times. He lost a 4 year struggle with cancer Oct 29, 2010 and on Dec 12,2010 my Mom lost her battle with cancer. I can only see the lonely days ahead. I try to be strong for our 2 girls and my grandchildren, but it it was tough to do. I pray things are better for you.

Marilyn in Alabama

Comment by Crimson B. on November 17, 2010 at 8:43am
Kim,
I know exactly how you feel. Please tell me that you actually are a bit better. This will give me hope. I know that my love, would want me to go on. But it's very hard. I just try to stay in the day. I try to look at my feet and know that our love really isn't going anywhere. It simply is. I can't take the wave of pain that comes over me. But it's the "process" and I never was a patient person. I can feel D. looking down on me and giving me the little "quote" marks around the word, "Process". He taught me much. He gave me much. I must simply get through today.
Hope with all of my heart you are healing.
Comment by cheryl wilkins on October 31, 2010 at 9:53am
hi kim, i feel with you, i lost my husband 13 months ago suddenly and i feel its getting harder and the crying never stops, the pain is unbearable, hard for people to understand your grief is your own and you do what you need to, to try and mend your heart and soul thoughts with you cheryl
Comment by Arlene on August 7, 2010 at 4:56pm
Hello Kim
I lost my husband of 29 1/2 years on June 2, 2010
It was totally unexpected. He had a cerebral hemorrage
and didnt even last one day.
We too did everything together. I cry all the time, too.
People just dont understand why, though...
Just wanted to let you know that I know exactly what you
are going thru.
Sometimes I feel like .. whats left for me....
Comment by Mary Sue Milkie on August 7, 2010 at 10:59am
My husband of 13 years passed away on June 29, 2010 from a massive stroke.He was only 50. We had been together for the last 17 years. Like Kim, I am having a hard time dealing with his death. He was my Best Friend, Lover, Husband and My sounding Board to rant and rave too. We did all of the gardening and every thing together, our neighbors were jealous of us, because we always were together. I did not think about ending my life, he would not of have wanted me to do that, just to be with him. He had so many problems and he got so fustrated at the end. I still cry with certain memories, or smelling the roses, our favorites. For the first couple of weeks, I was just numb. I did not know where to start or what I was doing! I was lost, in the sea of blindness, to the hurt that I was feeling and about to feel as I processed the information. God, I miss him so very much..
Comment by deborah diggs on August 1, 2010 at 12:23am
Kim,
My husband died 4 months ago, I still can't beleive it at times. Staying busy and voicing my feelings seem to be the only things that help. By help, I mean it keeps me from drowning in the grief. Dont be afraid to reach out to friends and family. They sometimes think we want to be alone in our grief. For me thats not true. When I need to be alone, I know it , and then I allow myself to be alone. There are days when it feels like it just happened yesterday, and then the grief inconsolable. Its the worst thing that has ever happened to me. This is our wedding anniversay weekend and it has crushed me. Normally we would have been in Atlantic City or Inner Harbour Maryland, or just a quiet romantic , weekend at home, We really took the time to make our time together special. My husband got sick in 2002, and still managed to make me feel safe ,loved and happy, in spite of the illness. He died March or this year,and the pain is at times, unbearable. I will admit, that I thought about ending it all in the first few weeks of grief,but I didnt feel that i had any guarantees tht we would be together for eternity. If I had that assurance , I dont know if I would have done it or not. Another thing that stopped that from happening, was that I couldn not bear to put my parents, siblings, nieces nephews, and friends, through this kind of pain. So now thoughts of suicide have dissipated. Allow yourself to grieve, its the only way to get through this. But please do reach out...Byron and I did everything together too, hurts sooo bad...i didnt know something could hurt so bad,

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