I'm feeling a bit lost. I came here as I have from time to time over the past three years to find solace with others who have lost a part of themselves too. Losing and feeling lost goes hand & hand now.
I can see that over these past few years I have grown. I have triumphed and failed over big and small challenges. I am here. I have been enlightened. I've seen God's hand at work in so many areas. It's amazing to witness and yet, mostly I am at a loss for words- completely unable to share all that I know to be true. Things have been aligned in such a way for this or that to be accomplished and I have been an essential part of His workings. I don't know why, but I feel privileged.
Still, I feel awkward in admitting how useless and incompetent I often feel. I feel frightened, threatened of the unknown. I realize bad news comes to us all. We all must face it with our experiences and abilities and faith as tools to be victorious in whatever comes our way- sickness, financial difficulties, family issues, ect.
Here I am. I hope. I rebuke discontentment within my spirit. I pray for peace, courage, health, joy, sustainability, and now, after three years I am beginning to hope for another love, companionship, a partner who understands, who could encourage me to live again. I don't believe it is God's will, but only time will tell. I just can't wrap my head around God taking Larry from me and then providing me with someone with similar attributes- what's the point? I also know I cannot, will not ever settle for a less than harmonious relationship. I've been spoiled with the best; what can I say?