I spent New Years Eve with my 3 grown sons and their families. Nothing flash, just sitting around the dinner table chatting, laughing and reminiscing. We saw the New Year in, standing in the frontyard, watching the fireworks around the neigbourhood. It was a good night, and on arriving home, I was thankful for making it through. But, the next 3 or 4 days that followed were exceptionly bad. I didn't feel it coming, it just hit me like a 90ft wave. I crashed, and I crashed heavily. I couldn't stop crying. Everything I tried to do, ended up in tears. I couldn't even do the simplest of things. Doing the bed seemed such an effect. I sat on the side of the bed unable to stop my tears, and then finally when they eased. I went out to the garden and again the emotions took over. I couldn't speak to anyone without breaking down, I stopped answering the phone in fear of not being able to compose myself for long enough. It really hit me hard. One of my biggest fears since loosing Pete was here, entering the New Year without him. I was a total wreck. I really didn't think I would come out of it..................... Well things seem to have settled at the moment, and even though I feel very fragile, I've been able to make it through the last couple of days, without to many tears. I know the next wave is on the horizon, as it is Pete's Birthday on the 3rd of Feb. but until then I will take one step at a time and just try and make it through each day without him. I miss him so much.
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