Hello and thanks for stopping by to take a gander at my page. I'm new here, and am excited to be here to offer support to anyone needing it.

Let me begin by saying that losing a child or loved one is never easy. People deal with their own grief at different times and events in their lives. For instance, my son C.J. who was 2 years old in 1996 passed from Congestive Heart Failure. He was born in 1994 with Atrial Septal Defect. He had open heart surgery when he was 8 months old. I was a single mother who was in an abusive relationship with his father and I feel that C.J. was in my life for that short time to get me out of the hell that I was in. I thank him everyday and am blessed that he was a part of my life while he was here on earth. I thank him for giving me my life back.

In the years after his death, I lost all his belongings I had thought due to some unfortunate circumstances. A couple of days ago my mom had sent me two boxes of his things. I lost it, as I am now writing this. She said she wasn't sure if I was ready for his things. I can't believe that she kept them all this time. I am so grateful that she did so. But, also a bit confused at why she didn't just ask me years ago.

I hadn't cried like that in over 10 years. I cried and hung on to his clothes, toys and pictures he drew in daycare. I cried till I couldn't do it anymore. Grief will never go away. I have learned that in all these years. I used to get annoyed when people would say to me, "How come you aren't depressed or feeling like life isn't worth living."  Well, now you have the answer. Life is worth living. Your loved ones wouldn't want you to end your life because of the way theirs ended.

So in a nutshell that is my story for now. I will be posting some pictures of C.J. soon. I hope everyone has a peaceful holiday.

~beth

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