Being around adults is especially troubling to me. They are harsh and in a hurry and extremely judgemental. I have never felt special around them. I am happiest riding a mountain bike, gardening and painting and reading my books. These are all alone activities. Since I was severely abused as a child, I have been taught to be alone. It is too lonely, but I can't find someone that thinks like me. Family should have popped up for me by now. I think that my family is all about angels and other spirit beings that talk to people in their heads and follow them around. They talked to me compassionately my whole childhood and even now. I have read Edgar Cayce and Seth books. I have read the Hands of Light book by the former physicist Barbara Brennan. So I have the  backing of physics and religion here before you call me crazy or hate me.

You say to just be tolerant to others so I can have friends, but it is not that easy. I had to read a lot of books to be able just to converse with people. My mother did not allow me friends, so my social skills are lacking. I was the wall flower of all wall flowers.  I want to talk about the books I have read that have helped me to overcome my lack of social skills, but these books nobody understands. So I am considered schizophrenic because I have been homeless a lot. As soon as someone hears that word they run away. Thanks a lot society. You don't even know what you are talking about. Solidity is an illusion. Physicists say so. And parallel realities are true.

I have been suicidal as long as I can remember. Rightly so. This earth is hell. Doesn't have to be. But it looks like I chose a challenge too huge to be happy in. That makes for daily grief and then I have to read my books to find balance so that I don't cry all day. This earth literally isn't home. This earth life is just a second in our lives that are infinite. Literally.

The books I read are based on quantum physics. I figure that God/our Source has a center of intelligence and from there radiates outward into fields of waves physicists call a phenomenon. They don't know whether to call these fields of waves physical or just plain waves. I read online a physics teacher debating this with several others in a blog. This physics teacher wanted to call these fields of waves objects and particles. But that is misleading to everybody. Without a wave of energy that particle would not exist. Every generator on earth has a source for it's energy. Why do people want to take away the Source for our energy, our passions, our missions on earth? When physicists take away this source of our energy the rest of us think that we are solid and then we die. That is it. From there you get all kinds of stresses like wars, racism, prisons, abuse and disease--and the big one called DEATH. All because a physicist does not want to tell us that everything is vibrating energy in the forms of waves which we turn into wave packets. A particle is a wave packet. People are not solid. They are a set of frequencies. Wave packets like the heart is measured in frequencies, just like everything else. If the heart was not a wave packet, then you could not measure it.

Bohm and Bohr and Direc and Heisenberg and Schrodinger all said that when they experienced the splitting of the atom and saw the behavior of all those subatomic particles, they then described these as magical, eternal, and indestructible. Then they said non local reality. This is where energy is so thick with  the substance of waves of energy that everything is seen/felt as ONE energy. No separation. Cosmic unity. At the quantum level there is no separation between us. Electrons oscillate/spin/rotate at the quantum level. We are 100% full of the quantum level. Our Source, our God is vibrating this quantum level that we turn into electricity, etc. This quantum level we breathe and eat and move through. We just don't see all these waves going every which way in our atmosphere. 

Might as well be a BEING that is God because It's intelligence and consciousness is our faces and bodies. Without those fields of waves of consciousness we would not exist. We are hugely dependent on this vast being called God. But whether we are here or in another reality, we are still vibrating as the face of God. This will always be true and so few people know this on earth.

Well, I have to  study quantum physics because I am trying to figure out why nobody rescued me or my mother. She was so much in rage and fear and grief herself that she was totally distant. I don't remember having one conversation with her. I went to school acting very anti social because of this. I was the "bad" child.  I could have been one of those people that buys guns to shoot everybody because people don't always rescue others. But I am female and females hurt themselves first. I remember teachers being angry at me. I cried and cried and cried and had the lowest self esteem of anybody.

Well, I have to forgive everybody so that I am not angry or otherwise not here. Nobody knows what they are doing. People are only using 5% to 15% of their brains. That includes the judges that put people in prisons. That includes the teachers. I can't believe that this planet is so cruel, so full of torture. Prison is torture. Those people in jail are the faces of God, too. If they knew this, they would not have been hurt enough in the first place to murder, to steal, to be greedy like the congress and wall street that have gotten together to bring down the whole world. And then don't go to jail themselves.

Look at what all of you have done because you believe that you are solid and then die. And solidity and death are illusions. I have proved this for myself. When praying for others I have felt energy flow through me to heal myself and others. I have felt people's emotions flow into me. I have felt energy beings walk into me and zoom real fast through me. I am that open to possibilities.

Should I thank all of you for not rescuing me? Apparently you followed the plan so that I would grow up to have to read these books so that I would know for sure that death does not exist. Because you did not rescue me, I listened to the compassionate voices in my head that  talked to me and for me. It seems that I must have channeled these spirit beings sometimes.  These spirit beings followed me around and helped me out of trouble. Sometimes these spirit beings that I call my parents talked to me from across the room. Call me schizophrenic, but I would rather be me than you. Thanks.



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Comment by Amber Head on October 28, 2013 at 3:36am
You are not alone. I, too, feel completely alone. But if we have each other, then it is not possible to be alone. I will listen. I will hear you. I need someone to hear me as well. I just lost my dad. He was my best friend, and apparently, my only true friend. I will listen.

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