As your birthday approaches I find myself torn. You were born but now u are gone from this earth. I am so hurt and still hurting as if it was day one. I don't ever see this getting easier. I just don't want to be here without u here. I know I have other kids and grandkids but I am not whole. I am missing. I don't belong with anyone or anything. No Mother ever should have seen what I seen. I hate myself and I hate my life.I hate walking around with this stupied look on my face as if nothing was wrong. There has got to be something better than this.