Good morning,

I was hoping someone might be able to share some advice from their experience of losing a spouse.  My husband has a rare form of cancer and has endured a year worth of chemo and other treatments.  Unfortunately, there are no other options and he is currently receiving hospice care in our home.  What I am curious about is whether there is anything I can do for myself or my young children before the real grieving process starts?  I'm an emotional wreck and know it's going to get worse. Anything I can do for him in these last few days?  Any suggestions on how to handle HIS sadness and have some closure?  Thank you for your time.

Tammy

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Comment by Scott G. on June 10, 2016 at 6:47pm

Hi Tammy,  I hope that I can be helpful.  Not sure if I can.  I lost my husband 2 1/2 years ago and I had a year to think that this may happen but just 5 days knowing for sure.    Hospice should be providing you both emotional support but also practical things for both YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND.  One of the things that I did before Skip passed away in the hospital was to bring in their palliative care dept so they could talk to both of us.  I was somewhat fortunate in an odd way that Skip drifted from an understanding that he would not make it to some dementia that made it easier ti talk about other things.  I would let him say what he wants to say and you as well.  Whatever you do or don't say... REMEMBER that he already knows that you love him and he loves you.  I did not say everything that I might have said but he knew that I loved him based on whsat he was saying.  I do remember that Skip said to me that he was worried about what woudl happen to me..  he said that to me.  Also i was there when my dad died and I know his issue was thjat my Mom would be OK so I told him even when he was not conscious over and over that it was OK to go and that I woudl take care of Mom.  I really wish I could be of more help.

Best to you,

Scott

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