When that vessel that holds our divine spark shatters after experiencing loss, everything kind of goes haywire. Our emotions run rampant, our memory becomes swiss cheese, and often times we don't say what we mean. The last one isn't intentional, it just happens. I think it's a combination of the first two that causes our basic communication skills to basically shut down. In our heads we're thinking one thing; out of our mouths comes something either incomprehensible or sugar coated so we don't make those around us uncomfortable.
It takes a little work to get back to being able to communicate properly. I was in a counselors office within a week of Barry dying. That was exactly what I needed to get back my power of speech. I could have sat there in silence on her couch for an hour, but that would have been even more uncomfortable than spouting a bunch of incomprehensible non-sense. She allowed me to ramble until there was nothing left. Then she prodded me with questions and forced me to continue. This continued for weeks. Then one day I had an "a-ha!" moment and realized that I was once again making sense.
Something else happens with loss; we suddenly feel as if we've lost that connection with our loved one. This is caused mainly, I believe, by our vessel shattering. I have always had a unique relationship with the other side. When Barry died, that connection felt like it was severed. I felt that I couldn't talk to Barry and have him hear me. I felt that I would never feel his presence when he was around. I was partially right. Once I started working on gluing the pieces of my vessel back together, my connection began returning. Then one day, I was meditating while doing the Lotus pose and felt his hand on my shoulder. At that moment, I knew that he had been hearing me all along. My heart leapt with both joy and sadness. The tears came and I let them run their course.
After loss, we need to talk. We have to be able to talk to others candidly about how we're feeling. Do you have someone in your life that will sit with you and let you ramble? Are you in a situation where you can start visiting a counselor? I think, in a bizarre way, it's easier for us to work through this part of the path with a stranger, rather than a friend. And don't forget, talk to your loved one as much as you need to! They hear you. They love you and want to help you heal. I always recommend getting a cheap bluetooth headset that way people just think you're on the phone when you're talking to your loved one.
Today you need to remember to breath and share at least one happy memory of your loved one, with someone else.