Grief. It is a constant companion,even after 2 years and 8 months without Adam.
Most days I am happy and able to recognize the beauty and specialness of the little things in my life, a sun filled day, a warm breeze, a butterfly crossing my path, the smile of a stranger, the purr of my cat, these bring joy and contentment. Then a wave of grief will emerge, sometimes just a small bubble of fear or anxiety, sometimes a huge outburst of tears and sobbing, it is totally unpredictable. But it passes and soon I am able to be thankful for the ability to live another day on this earth with my family, friends and you all.
Grief has changed me. I NEED to remember now, to connect, to dream of Adam, to create new memories, to continue our relationship. I rarely remember my dreams, yet now they are so important, so sublime, so mysterious, I just have to remember, to know when he pays a visit. So I discovered a tool, one that was so easy, simple and powerful that I want to share it with all of you.
I have a black, knitted cap that Adam used to wear. I know it still holds a bit of his energy, and I have been sleeping with it since he died, a comforting, sad and necessary part of my daily routine now. We even call the hat Adam, (IE Did you pack Adam for the trip yet?). Maintaining the connection is utterly life sustaining for me. So imagine my joy when I learned that a quartz crystal can be programmed by my intention and energy to assist me in dream recall!! What do I have to lose, of course I will try it. I keep the crystal inside the hat and sleep with it under my pillow or pressed against my chest each night and ask for dream recollection. It works!! Every night I recall at least one dream now, compared to ALMOST NEVER remembering dreams before. Then it happened. A dream of Adam!
As dreams go it was quite an ordinary one, simple experiences together, no crazy juxtapositions or bizarre events. Then it turned into a visitation from Adam. I suddenly woke up and could hear his very unique deep laughter, he said, " finally you see me!" I lay very still meditating, soaking up the moments as the tears rolled down my cheeks. The room was full of swirling colors, purples and blues, like the aurora borealis and a gentle peace filled me. A true spiritual embrace from my son. Ahhh.
Creating new experiences with him, that is my wish, I know they will be subtle and rare and that will make them even more blissful and amazing. Friends, it is possible to connect to the more subtle realms, I have experienced it more than once now. I pray the visitations will continue forever and that you may join me in the realization that love is greater than loss. Peace.