Second time around, just as painful, but maybe more hopefull. I have past the third month and have not quite shelved my grief, tears come frequently and I still find it hard to talk much about him. Went to a local festival yesterday and missed holding his hand.
I have kept busy. Over the spring break I actually read and enjoyed a book, The Dutch Wife. Met a talking bird at the restaurant my grandson works at. I visit him frequently so we can whistle together - me the introvert whistling in public. I heard my self really laugh yesterday. I teach math and English to adults, and finally last week cared about how I taught them. I have to work at healing. I make myself connect to strangers, this was so easy for my husband, and I honor him by reaching out and greeting others. Each day, I hug the teddy bear my husband took on road trips. Yes, I talk to him EVERYDAY. Good news, I have slept in bed like a big girl all week, and the dog sleeps on the couch now. Still scared, happy to have grand-kids with me, but not having to fake that I am fine so much now. So many mixed emotions. Jus say'n. Frankie