This is about my brother Eric. He wasnt my biological brother, but from the time we spent together, the way we fought, laughed, scared one another, you might have thought we were brother and sister. I'll have to start from the begining to fully understand our relationship.

It was around 1988-89. We met because of my biological brother Randy. Eric was the new kid, and my brother was never the most popular kid. Eric had realized that Rand was being picked on all the time, and he was the new kid, so they decided to sit with one another and be friends, since no one else was willing to accept them. Eric came to our house frequently for birthday parties, and hanging out. While getting to know Eric, my brother and I was then introduced to Eric's stepbrother, Chris. I was the older sister to randy, so I saw all 3 of them together frequently. Being older I didnt actually hang out with them directly, but we were always some way together. Eric, was always the one making plans being the social one with the group. As I got older I managed to make my own friends, and do my own things, wrapping myself up in broken relationships and drugs. They seperated from me because of my choices. Eventually I smartened up, and the boys came to me, allowing me to be part of there circle, to get me away from the so called friends i thought i had. this time frame was more closer to them graduating HS and I starting college. I left college and they moved on to college for themselves. The summer after they graduated HS, is when everything became extremely close to one another. Eric and I fought like brother an sister, looked up porn together, didnt drink together when everyone else was. How ironic. Anyways, as time moved on, i fell inlove with chris, erics stepbrother. When everyone realised what was going on with chris and I, the group fell apart, and fell apart for years. My brother had a hard time accepting it, eric did too, and even our other friend, ill call G. As years passed people grew up, moved on, and finally accepted our relationship. As the group grew, we grew even closer. We were the tightest group of people that you had ever met. Even to this exact day, no one understands our closeness of our relationships that we share. Chris and I married, randy and eric had there ups and downs with relationships, same with G, but we always managed to be there for one another. Chris and I experimented with drugs together but never ever seemed to get hooked on anything, same with my brother rand and G. But eric, went on a fucking roller coaster with them. Funny how when we were young, Eric was Straight Edge, if your from the 90's you'd know the term. Anhywho, Eric, we watched him grow and change. Changing to points of we were not recoginizing him, not being able to understand where he was coming from or going. Not being able to relate anymore. One night on a typical night we were all hanging out, but not with eric. he had been into a different set of friends, that we didnt know a lot of. We were talking about how eric had changed, how his attitude was different, how he didnt seem like he was with it. How, honestly, we though he was getting fucked up beyond a normal party night. We noticed he was nodding out, not being able to remember a conversation, not being able to stay awake, or drink huge ammounts of alcohol. so we decided to mark on a calendar every day that we saw him for a month when we thought there was a possible drug use going on. At the end of the month we would look at that calendar and talk again. What do you know, 25 days out of a 30 day period had an x on the calender. Something was wrong. We all picked a night and had everyone over, we were to do a call out on him. 

We did. He denied it at first, and then we showed him the calendar. He admitted he was doing oxycontins. He couldnt deny it anymore. We cried, yelled, argued to the point of exhaustion that night. we told him if he didnt stop or try to get some help we were going to his parents. We gave it another month, and decided to tell his bio mom. she promised she was going to do something, and we left it up to her. bad move. another couple of months past, and eric dissappeared out of our lives. he stopped hanging out, stopped calling, and hardly ever coming around. we approached his mom again, and she thought he was doing better, and in reality, he wasnt. since we felt just approaching his mom did nothing, we went to his stepdad, and mom at the same time, and told them everything that had been going on. immediatly step dad wanted to kick him out of the house, ect... we talked him into not doing that and to get eric into rehab. Things seemed to be getting beter, we got him into a treatment, detox, meetings, methadone treatment ect. We backed off and at that point Eric didnt forgive us for doing what we did, even though we just wanted eric to be better and have a better life. again the group started falling apart again, and we started going our seperate ways again. Just when we thought eric was doing better, even though the closeness wasnt there, and hate, and betrayl he felt, he overdosed at our Nana's house. Back to the hospital he went, back to rehab, back to depression meds, the same treatment again. by now, my brother randy had kinda of given up on the friendship, he couldnt handle eric and his drugs. chris his stepbrother felt the same and i along with it, plus G too. we all became distant, only getting together for family functions and the occasional sunday afternoon hang out with just me, chris and eric. As time continued to pass, chris and i thought, well eric is still our brother and he seemed a little better, we should still include him in our lives. So we did. 

Over the last few months Eric seemed in a better place. Even though he didnt work, and lived at home, atleast he was setting small goals for himself, or so we thought. He didnt have a car and had a crappy bike that he used to get to meetings, counceling, ect. This was around june 2012. The family decided to get all our money together to get him a new bike, something he could really use. he was so excited about, we gave it to him early. As the days passed eric, once again, seemed questionable. I kept noticing the same signs from the past intermently happening again. his sleepyness, his nodding out, ect...I wanted to say something, but didnt, because i didnt want to fight anymore, and have the relationship with him again, and chris felt the same way too. i thought maybe it was the anti depressant drugs he was on, i thought maybe it was the sleeping pills he was prescribed. Like I said, I wanted my family back together. 

On July 3, the day before the holiday, chris, me, my father, randy and beth (his stepsister, chris's real sister) decided to go to the fireworks together. chris and i went to pick up eric. my brother randy had other plans and didnt decide to go, they hadnt talked in over 6 months so i wasnt surprised he didnt want to go either. On our way to the HS I noticed eric, once again, acting odd, nodding out, doing the same shit again, and like I said before, I didnt want to start a fight, maybe I should have but I just wanted to have the family fun thing. It was selfish of me, but I thought, just once we needed to be together and enjoy ourselves. Besides erics funny behaviours, we had a great time. we laughed, we lit off fireworks together, enjoyed the firework display. we were all tired, and eric claimed he was too, so i dropped my dad off, dropped eric and beth at home, and chris and i went home. it was almost 1130pm/12am and we went to bed ourselves. I was sleeping good from what i remember. Us, the dogs snuggling and dreaming of what a nice night we all had together. To then the doorbell ringing. ringing and ringing to the point, the dogs were freaking out, and i made chris get up and see if it was the nieghborhood kids fuckin around. I stayed in bed, trying to calm the dogs. Chris didnt come back for almost 15 mins. In the dark, chris came back to our room and said the cops were at the door and we had to go get beth. i was confused, WTH was going on? as i was getting dressed he said we needed to go to the hospital, and that eric was there. my heart dropped and then begun pounding. I kept saying we didnt know what was going on, lets get beth. we got to the parents house, and all the lights were on, doors open, beth crying and freaking out. she told us she found him up in his room, face down, in a pile of vomit. we closed everything up, and then went up stairs to his room to see what had gone on. there was vomit on the bed, ambu rescue breathing bags ripped open and not even used, defribilator pads strewn about. my heart sank further. we piled into the car, and we kept saying we dont know for sure what happened, lets just get to eric. we entered into the ermergency room, asking for eric. they wouldnt tell us anything, and brought us immediatly into a green room, alone. As i looked around, i noticed boxes and boxes of tissues surrounding us. this was not good. we waited almost 30 mins before anyone would talk to us. finnaly a team of doctors and nurses came to the room to tell us they think it was eric, but we needed to identify him, and that he was dead. DEAD. They said they tried everything for 1 hour and 30 mins before they called it over. we were lead into a huge room with curtains everywhere, and there he laid, alone, with tubes, and iv's coming out of him. this is not a way you want to remember someone. i touched his foot, i couldnt bring myself to get any closer. we cried, and cried alone. his parents had been on vacation. for hours we couldnt get a hold of them. this couldnt be happening, but it did. Eric was only 33 years old. 

Its been almost 2 months and it still doesnt feel real. Everyday he is thought of, spoken of. But because of this, all the drama  and bullshit between all of us faded in an instant. Our circle has come together as one. just when you dnt think people can be any closer, we are now. this is my story. Im not sure if i feel better talking about it or not. 

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