I was driving to work around 6:30 a.m. and it was dark.  I passed the light and it was green and out of no where I hit something.  It was a man but I never saw his face.  It was like he jumped right in front of my car.  His arms were flailing and it looked like he was looking behind him, it all happened so fast.  I pulled over immediately and there were no other cars around!  Why didn't anyone else stop...I called my husband immediately, hysterical..."I just hit someone I think".  It was the most horrible moment of my life.  It was worse than sending my son off to war in Iraq and he has served three deployments.  I called 911 and they asked me where the man was and what he looked like....I had no idea.  I was afraid to go and look for him, afraid of what I might find or see.  I know I was praying for him, but I couldn't go look for him.  The police were there in just a few minutes and they asked where he was, I said I didn't know.  They found him and a few minutes later told me he probably wasn't going to make it.  It started snowing as I was waiting, I was crying hysterically.  My husband arrived about 20 minutes later.  The man died at the scene.  He was about my age and walked to work or rode his bike every day.  Many people commented to me how they watched him dodge traffic and that he could have happened to any of them but it didn't, it happened to me!  Why didn't I see him on that morning????  Why did God allow this to happen???  I am back to work but still haven't driven alone on that route, I'm afraid too.  I sent flower to the man's funeral, I've had masses said for him at his church and I will continue to do so.  I've spoken to counselors and priests but I still think about him all the time.  I have a card for his mother but I'm afraid to send it, she must hate me.  My mother passed away from cancer about 5 years ago and that was difficult but this feels worse.  I'm just wondering if there is a support group or others who may have a similar story and how they are dealing with their grief or maybe it's guilt.  Any advice would be helpful...thank you.

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