Feeling lost and lonely after losing my husband unexpectedly

My husband was recommended to have surgery for a preventative cancer, which was not serious enough to do immediately.  He decided to have it done since the doctor he saw said it can turn to cancer in years.  He was referred to a surgeon at MGH by his doctor, because of his complicated medical history.  He was in his 50's and had MS for years but was starting to have medical complications, not because of his MS.  He had his surgery and was recovering slowly but well.  In exactly one week of his surgery he passed away, not knowing the cause of his death, the doctors thought an infection.  My children did not want me to do an autopsy because he's been through so much the past few years of frequent infections.

I am having a difficult time dealing with this sudden loss.  We were making plans to start a new life together this past year, talking about traveling, he wanted to start doing more together since we were both empty nesting.   Our children are all grown and moved out, we would had them over for dinner frequently since he enjoyed cooking.  We had our new grand daughter over weekends.  Even though he struggled he wanted to enjoy life in a different way.  He was doing the grocery shopping and the cooking he changed things in the house for his convenience, more handicapped accessible.  The holidays came and went my mother in law is having a difficult time too.  We have a large family many siblings with grown children. I feel like everyone is living their lives. I know it's not easy for them since it's a family member but I feel alone and have to live it constantly.  I went back to work but come home to emptiness everyday.

My mother and sister are telling me I have to pick up my life now, it's only 2 months he passed.   My mother went through this 5 years ago, lost her brothers the same year my father passed away and my aunt, her sister is now in a nursing home with Alzheimers. It was hard on all of us but now she had to move to California to help my sister with her young child, which helped her cope. 

I wish I was as strong as my mother but I feel like I can't cope some days I just wish everything could be like it was.   I go to my daughters often with her fiance, my other daughter moved out of the country and is having a difficult time since she just got married in South Africa and face timed her dad daily on her adventures.  I miss her also and seeing her crying because she is homesick also and not having her dad to talk to anymore hurts me too.  I felt she was safe working on the yachts with her new husband and communicating with her father too, he watched over her daily.  My son has his family too and busy with our grand daughter and fiance, living with her large family.  I feel so lost without him now and don't know what I want to do with my life.

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