I feel like I'm just barely here.  I feel like it's all reversed, backward, looks sorta the same but not really, like I'm in some kind of parallel universe.  My family believes I'm so strong, so smart, that I have a such level head, that I'm an incredible survivor, that I'll be fine.  That's what they tell me anyway - and knowing them as I do I'm glad they feel comfortable staying at text's length away as there's room on this stage for only one melodrama at a time and right now I'm starring in it, albeit to an empty house.  Let everyone think what they choose to believe, that I'm fine. 

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Comment by Andrew McCullough on June 10, 2015 at 12:02pm

Thanks, Heather - I hope you too have a peaceful day. It's good for me to vent and having a bond with someone who gets it as you do really helps. Among my many shortcomings is not sharing how I feel until it's too late to put the cork back in. Stuff 'em down, pack 'em tight, push, push, boom - emotional shrapnel all over the place.

Comment by Andrew McCullough on June 10, 2015 at 11:54am

Comment by Andrew McCullough on June 9, 2015 at 9:23am

Thank you, Heatha, for letting me know you're out there.  It's a very lonely site sometimes and already I've come close to abandoning it.  But I don't; I feel if I did I'd be erasing Tim further and already I'm so sick to my core from seeing bits of him disappear and it makes me want to just scream at the world that this is all their fault, that they abandoned him, that they caused this, that he was the best person on the planet and I hate everyone... you know, rational thought processes like these - based on fact but not easily articulated.

I think you and I are quite alike.  I'm very sorry for your lost son.  It should be a law in the universe that no parent will outlive their child.  To say I enjoyed reading all of your posts is not what I would mean to convey but I think you'd appreciate the impetus behind my crappy delivery.  I'll keep posting if you will. 

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