It has been four months since my husband's accidental death. A month of numbness, holding it together and pretending to be strong when allowing myself to feel would have instantly shattered that illusion. The second month was one trying to climb what I perceived to be an infinite wall of getting the finances together and filling out countless forms. It didn't help that the stupid doctor filled out the death certificate incorrectly. And if the funeral home knew the depths of the pain I suffered because they hadn't published the obituary until the night before the memorial service - they would have fired our 'representative.' A memorial service is intended to honor the person who passed - not humiliate them. We planned for 90 people and 20 attended. No one else knew he was gone.

During the thick of it my three children and I worked together like a well oiled machine - but now - when not one of us has received any counseling, we're all falling apart independently. I have a support system. My son has a wife. But my one daughter's husband just left to serve in the military in Korea for over a year. The other has an autistic child to care for and no friends or support. so I can't turn to those I love the most and have to content myself talking to strangers so as no to cause more pain.