my wife was killed 4/5/2010 in car accident.i had my wife for 28 years . the reality when your go out alone and come home to empty house is more than i can handle .i should not say empty house because she left me the cats and dogs and horses but without her there it's not the same . i miss her more than i can explain or describe . i wish i could say something that would help others in my situation because i know the key to helping self is helping others but i am too tied up praying for help for myself . i have a lot to be thankful for and i know God has already helped me a lot and i know i must start helping others and stop feeling sorry for myself but the reality is i can't do it right now . i am selling or renting whichever happens first my house and moving away which financially is a mistake . also moving my business which is financially another mistake but i simply cannot stay where i am because my primary motivation for everything was my wife and now she is gone . i am like a ship lost at sea in need of a lighthouse to point me to a new home because without my wife i currently have no home only a house full of memories i cannot bear to think about .

David

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Comment by Sherilyn on May 18, 2011 at 10:42am
We not only lost our spouses, we lost our best friend. I see couples now, and see one walking so far ahead of the other, or see them outside sitting across from each other instead of next to each other, etc. etc. all the things I did with Mike. Now I wished I could have him back, I would always walk by his side, I would always sit next to him....and appreciate even the little things he would do for me. It's like that song...'Why is it when you die, people start listening?' oh all too true. All to true..........Thanks for the comments. It means alot,
Comment by Patricia Hill on March 17, 2011 at 12:59pm

David I truly am so so sorry for your huge loss in YOUR life. John took my son to the lake an hour away from our home and never came home. He had a massive heart attack and my son tried CPR but couldn't bring him back. That was last August 4th, 2010. My home is my safe haven, although all the memories are there, I feel close to him and dedicated to keeping the house as it was when he left. He was so maticulous when it came to the yards. One thing I hope you do is be so so careful with you decisions like moving and changing jobs. Those are hugh decisions and as I've learned, during this time of grief we can make rash decisions that may not be finacially good ones. Life sucks right now, but as I write you now I am sitting in my beautiful motorhome at the beach about 10 miles from my home in Ventura listening to the waves crash behind. If you were to walk about 20 feet from the back of my motorhome, you'de be in the surf. This is my sanity. I've learned to drive it now, as John always drove. I knew I needed to do this as he would have wanted me to continue having good memories in it. Again, our motorhome was our home away from home and he took suck pride in it. It's 36 feet, with a slide out, flat screen TV and everything else you could need. Hold on, remember to take deep breaths, go out at night and stand in the dark and look at the stars. Talk to her and cry and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Thats all I've been doing. I live ONE DAY AT A TIME.

hugs to you David

Comment by david on March 5, 2011 at 7:01pm
Kim . I am lost like everyone else on this board but I can tell you there IS LIGHT AT END OF THE TUNNEL . How do I know ? Because I have been were you are and today I have found some light and if I can find it anyone can . So do whatever you have to do to hang in there and light WILL APPEAR. This is my web page and who I am . http://www.savannah-family-lawyer.com/ I'm trying to start a new life in Savannah Ga. but as recent as earlier today i wondered what in the hell am I doing here . Then later today I got a call( new business) and I felt better Something always seems to happen that motivates me to move forward. I am a lucky person to have had my wife for as long as i did and i am truly sorry you were not as lucky as me and wish you well.
david
Comment by Kim on March 5, 2011 at 10:06am

David,

I am so sorry for you loss. None of us should have to go through this but I guess eventually we all die. I just thought my husband and I would grow old together then die. I never imagined even in my worse nightmares my husband would pass away at the age of 40. We had our whole lives ahead of us, but now all my dreams have been squashed. You hit it right on the nose when you said you are a ship lost at sea because that is how I feel. I am trying very hard to go on with my life but it is not easy. I hope in time we all learn to deal with this horrible pain better. My life is a mess right now both emotionally and financially. There has to be a light at the end of this dark tunnel soon. I pray to god every day for that.

Take Care,

kim

Comment by TINA GREER on September 19, 2010 at 12:18pm
David, I just read the message you left on my page.... thank you. I just today got the internet back since moving. I hope that you are finding some peace. I have yet to do that. I think the move has been a good one. I still occasionally go back to the house to get things that I left there. It is about a 1/2 hour drive, and usually I cry all of the way. It is very difficult to go inside. On one hand I am bombarded with memories, on the other hand I feel like I have abandoned him. I know that it is not where I am that matters, because he is always with me. At least here I do not have to look in the room where he passed away and experience it day after day. I hope you have been able to find some kind of peace, even if just a little.
Comment by Mary Ellen on August 23, 2010 at 8:49am
DAVID I WON'T SAY I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL BUT I CAN SAY I CAN RELATE TO WHAT YOUR SAYING I LOVE MY HOME MY HUSBAD PHIL & I MADE MANY HAPPY TIMES HERE BUT WITHOUT HIM I'M JUST LOST( PHIL PASSED AWAY APR. 30TH) AUG. 18TH WOULD HAVE BEEN OUR 38TH ANNV. I HAVEN;T BEEN OUT OF THE HOUSE BUT ON MY BREAK DOWN LAST NIGHT I MADE MY HUSBAND & MY SON WHO PASSED AWAY JAN 14TH A PROMISE THAT I'D START GOING BACK TO MALL WALKING MON-WED-FRI- I GUESS BABY STEPS 1 DAY @ TIME.. IT'S SO SO HARD FOR WE HAVE ALL LOST OUR SOULMATE ,FRIEND ,LOVER AND YES WE WERE ALL SUPPOSE TO GROW OLD TOGETHER NOW WE HAVE TURNED IN I. DAVID I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY..WE ALL GRIEVE DIFFERENTLY BUT I THINK OUR PAIN IS YOURS ALSO...I WAS TOLD NOT TO MAKE ANY CHANGES IN MY LIFE OR HOME ANYTHING FOR AT LEAST A YR. IS THIS POSSABLE FOR YOU ALSO TO WAIT ON THE CHANGES YOU MENTIONED .WILL KEEP YOU IN THOUGHT & PRAYER...TRY TO DO SOMETHING TO FOR YOUR WIFE THAT SHE WOULD LIKE...
A GREAT BIG HUG TO YOU ....MARY ELLEN
Comment by Mary Ellen on August 23, 2010 at 8:49am
DAVID I WON'T SAY I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL BUT I CAN SAY I CAN RELATE TO WHAT YOUR SAYING I LOVE MY HOME MY HUSBAD PHIL & I MADE MANY HAPPY TIMES HERE BUT WITHOUT HIM I'M JUST LOST( PHIL PASSED AWAY APR. 30TH) AUG. 18TH WOULD HAVE BEEN OUR 38TH ANNV. I HAVEN;T BEEN OUT OF THE HOUSE BUT ON MY BREAK DOWN LAST NIGHT I MADE MY HUSBAND & MY SON WHO PASSED AWAY JAN 14TH A PROMISE THAT I'D START GOING BACK TO MALL WALKING MON-WED-FRI- I GUESS BABY STEPS 1 DAY @ TIME.. IT'S SO SO HARD FOR WE HAVE ALL LOST OUR SOULMATE ,FRIEND ,LOVER AND YES WE WERE ALL SUPPOSE TO GROW OLD TOGETHER NOW WE HAVE TURNED IN I. DAVID I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY..WE ALL GRIEVE DIFFERENTLY BUT I THINK OUR PAIN IS YOURS ALSO...I WAS TOLD NOT TO MAKE ANY CHANGES IN MY LIFE OR HOME ANYTHING FOR AT LEAST A YR. IS THIS POSSABLE FOR YOU ALSO TO WAIT ON THE CHANGES YOU MENTIONED .WILL KEEP YOU IN THOUGHT & PRAYER...TRY TO DO SOMETHING TO FOR YOUR WIFE THAT SHE WOULD LIKE...
A GREAT BIG HUG TO YOU ....MARY ELLEN
Comment by david on August 16, 2010 at 3:10pm
leo i not on this board to get a sermon . i go to church for that . that said i appreciate the good intentions and wish you well.
david
Comment by david on August 15, 2010 at 6:16pm
I DON'T KNOW if this life is "all" . i do know I have a lot to be thankful for and there is a creator of some kind out there in the universe . as to where i see myself in 30 years that's not on my plate right because i 'm more worried about where i will be tonight and tomorrow and next week because if i don't make it thought the night or tomorrow or next week my future is a mute point
thank you for your comments
david
Comment by Virginia on June 14, 2010 at 5:22pm
David I'm sorry I just read your comment to me about the accident, I truelly am so sorry, and understand why you feel you need to move. My husband had a massive heart attack here at home in the living room I was the only one here and did cpr he was on life support for the following 3 days and it bothers me I don't see him there as that is where we slept due to his health and I can't stand to look at his couch and see it empty so I slept there for over a yr. now I am trying to sleep upstairs in our room and haven't done that in about 10 yrs. I now have a hard time comming down the stairs and him not being on the couch so yes it is all hard and understanderable to see your view on things. god speed Virginia

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