Grieving or Wallowing: How do I tell the difference?

As I grieve for my husband Jim, who died on April 1st of this year, I recognize the pain and confusion that I hear in others comments. I feel this overwhelming loss each day.
It takes so much energy to plow through the emotions. No one could tell me this truth until I experienced it for myself.

This is a place where I can express some of those emotions that must be suppressed, avoided, or simply ignored, in most of my daily interactions. Thank you for being here. Thank you for speaking and listening. I need both, as I struggle daily with surviving this most intimate loss, along with the myriad of ramifications in each day.

So four months into this grieving process, I ask this question. Where is the line, or how do I recognize the line, between grieving and wallowing?
Have you experienced, found, or guessed at, this line? How much grief is healing?

Perhaps I'm just board with my own tearful outbursts. I don't want anyone to push me to "get over it." But I also want to heal and experience joy. I welcome your ideas.

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Comment by Sara Murphy on August 2, 2016 at 5:20pm

Deanne......Welcome to our group albeit a group no one wanted to belong to but one that has saved many of us.  I am only 6 1/2 months into my grief journey.  I lost my husband Ken in January at the age of 52 after nearly 30 years together.   Due to my somewhat "young" age, no one in my group of family/friends has experienced the loss of their spouse/soul mate so there was no one for me to talk to about the actual feelings that go with this loss.   I realized very early on that trying to talk with people who couldn't understand wasn't working for me.  I was so grateful when I found this site, to finally relate  to others who know what I feel and all the crazy thoughts that go with it. 

To answer your question, grieving or wallowing,  you are firmly in grieving territory.  It's much too soon for you to worry about that.  I don't think it's considered wallowing until at least your second year.  The entire first year is so full of changes and of course all the first holiday's/anniversaries.  Of course, this is just my opinion.  I'm still new at this and trying to find my own way. 

I'm glad you found us and joined our group.  You may or may not have noticed the comments wall in the Bereaved Spouses group.  This is where you'll find the majority of our conversations.  Please join in or just read if you're not ready to post.

Hugs to you,


Comment by T.C. Goodwin on August 2, 2016 at 3:13pm
Grieving takes time ...tears are away to release our pain...even Jesus wept...we grieve with you today

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