My momma passed away on Thanksgiving Day 2011. My faith in the Lord Jesus Christ has been my comfort and strength, but at times the pain is unbearable. She was my best friend, my coach in life, my inspiration. This Doesn't seem real nor fair at times, Yet I surrender willingly to this cup of suffering as I join this group of the brokenhearted and crushed in spirit. My mommas favorite scripture was psalms 91. We read it everyday, including the day she died. She was soo strong, so smart. She embraced death because she knew God. I dont think i can ever embrace this loss.

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Comment by Mommas girl on December 27, 2011 at 11:27pm
I totally understand lula. Im at the same place, thinking she will eventually call. Like she's on vacation. I went to try to close her bank account today and it was really hard for me. The reality that she's not coming back, slapped me and made this grown woman cry. Is your father also gone? Oh lula, I'm so sorry your going through this too. I don't wish this on anyone. Praying for us!
Comment by lula par on December 27, 2011 at 4:23pm

i just keep feeling. she is just gone somewhere, she was cremated and i still have the box. i can't aford to take her to my dads resting place. there was no insurance. but i will someday... thats for sure..anyways.. im the 1 that was always with my mom. we are best friends too.... and i can't get it out of my mind,,, she keep asking me.... im i gonna die. in a very very scard voice..... i keep waitting for a sign she is ok. or something.... i hope god has found her,,, this is not getting any easier. 

Comment by Mommas girl on December 22, 2011 at 10:40am
Thank you lula. God bless you. I keep dreaming her, but she's sick, I re-live the uncontrollable situation of not being able to fix her, then I wake to reality that she isn't here. I was her baby and the bond her and I had, was sooo beautiful. She got pregnant with me when she was 34, her pregnancy went bad, her kidneys were failing and it was high risk, and they also believed I was a down syndrom baby, doctors suggested an abortion to save us both. She told me she was on her way, but she just broke down and cried and couldn't do it, instead she pulled over and ate at burger king. :) 18 years later, I gave my life to Christ and she followed me and we were best friends, prayer partners... We lived 3 hours from each other so it was sooo hard when she was sick. It was frustrating cause I couldn't leave my responsibilities the last 2 years as much as I wanted to. But I did the last 3 weeks of her life. I slept right next to her and was there every second. You are so right, even while she was taking her last breaths, I was still thinking in my mind, she's going to get better. I fed her everyday, changed her and I didn't think she was dying. She was on hospice, but I still believed she would be ok. I couldn't stand the hospice people telling me she was dying, I would escort them out of her house and fight with them. She would laugh at me and tell me to stop. Your right, this is anew start of something unbearable, I don't know how to hold back my tears sometimes, in markets especially, cause she was the best cook so we went grocery shopping a lot when we were together. It was hard cooking for a chef when she was sick. She would make faces when it wasnt good. Still on her sick bed she would instruct me to add ingredients. Hahaha. I'm sorry for your pain. I will be praying for both of us, especially during Christmas.
Comment by lula par on December 21, 2011 at 10:58pm

i totaly understand that,,, my mom was my best friend to, i guess i thought she was going to be here forever,,, she would be 83 jan, 27.. and yes she had god on her side. always.... we also read all the way to the day of her wings.

its just feels like everything is falling apart.  its a new start. and its going to be hard,,, for u as well. bless u my friend


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