Today I sit thinking about my father who sadly lost his battle with hardening of the arteries in August 2004 and my younger brother who sadly took his life in May 2007. The holidays are fastly approaching and most of my family has left the small town in which we grew up and soon our family home will be sold. I am having a difficult time putting this into perspective. I miss them so badly and still want to honor them but I feel as if there is so much change going on that I am having mixed emotions about how to handle this. Thank goodness we have a place to honor them and chat with our loved ones but it still feels like so much is changing and I don't know where to put my emotions. The gravesites are bare with no flowers as the cemetery decided to do a clean up last year and I none of has been back to put flowers out. I keep wondering whether I should continue this  tradition or just let it go and just visit and talk with them. I miss them so badly at this time of year and now with the rest of the family being gone accept for my daughter whom I am estranged from and my son who is in the Marine Corp. and unable to be here in our small hometown to help out with this. I just feel alone and frightened for the changes taking place in my life and wanting to remember my loved ones at this time of the year. It is going to be a very sad time for me and my family again. Thank you for listening...

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