Hi. I am new here. Never posted anywhere before but here it goes. Two weeks ago today I lost my husband. He had a heart attack and he was only 44. he was my best friend for 25 years. We divorced for a few years but talked every day and got back together 6 years ago. I have an 8 year old daughter who adored him, she was definitely a Daddy's girl. He was more of a Dad to her than her biological one. She seems to be doing OK. She misses him but says he is in heaven watching over her and will wait for her there. I try to be strong for her, she is what is keeping me going right now. Now I, on the other hand, am a mess. I feel so alone, wondering if he is really watching over us. I question my faith a lot too. Everything I do, I wonder what he would think of it. Seems like I am living in a nightmare, and cannot wake up. I hurt so much. But the worst is other people. Someone told me, "life goes on". I know I am alive, but at this moment I feel like my life is shattered. For a week now people have already told me that I need to turn in my new car and find a new place to live because I cannot possibly afford what I have. And since he died at home, I should move, to many things here to remind me and my daughter of him. I feel like people are so rude and trying to push me to move on. I finally told them I need some time for me and they backed off, way off. I am still grieving and they have moved on. My mind is a jumbled mess, sometimes it is just hard to think. I miss him so much. And I am so sorry for all the things I didn't do for him. I had breast cancer 19 years ago, he helped me through it. Now I have a spot on my other breast and a cyst on my ovary that I am having checked. The night before he died I told him I was really scared about it and he told me that he thought I would be OK. Now I feel so guilty. Was I so worried about myself that I didn't see something was wrong with him? He never said anything, but I should have paid more attention. I didn't get to tell him I love you that morning. When I woke him up for work that morning, he only said, OK, before he started breathing differently. I fought like crazy to keep him going until 911 arrived. I screamed, I cried, I begged, I pleaded to God, to his angels, to anyone, to help me. Just let me keep him.......I hurt so much.